


turnabout

by be_brave13



Series: you don't have to reach for me 'verse [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Canon Rewrite, Foster Kid Keith (Voltron), Gay Shiro (Voltron), I know i made them up but I love them, Keith (Voltron) Has Abandonment Issues, Keith (Voltron) Has Anxiety, Keith (Voltron) Has Panic Attacks, Keith still has elective mutism, M/M, More on: Keith's Backstory™, Pre-Canon, Pre-Kerberos Mission, Some Fluff, Unreliable Narrator, but like they aren't super bad, i fucking love Shiro's parents, it isn't quite exposition still but this is way more about broganes than klance, like 1.5 generations from now, set in a slightly futuristic world, they're there though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2020-11-26 13:21:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20930891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/be_brave13/pseuds/be_brave13
Summary: It happened slowly. Keith didn't want to trust the Shiroganes, because he knew he'd just have to leave. But, for some reason, it was hard to remember, more than it ever had been.OR: the continuation of the series of my canon overhaul ft. broganes and shadam (adashi? who knows, whatever their ship name is)





	1. the window's wide open, this leap is on faith

**Author's Note:**

> LOVELY FOLK I AM BACK! 
> 
> If you're new here, you should read the first two parts otherwise this will all sound like gibberish :) 
> 
> We're back to Keith, I hope you enjoy more on this angsty emo boi!! This fic will roughly go up to Keith's time in the Garrison (11-14 years old!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith gets himself into a home he deserves <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from [A Safe Place to Land](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ht2NCrlghS4) by Sara Bareilles and John Legend

When Keith was ten, he’d developed a defense system that worked pretty damn well, if he did say so himself. He was tired of bullies, especially after finding out that he probably didn’t have a soulmate. 

So, at his flavor of the year, there was a well-funded (and very nice) public library. Like all his other problems, he turned there for a solution. In doing so, he found some books in the library about self defense, read up, and practiced a lot before finding videos online on the library computers with which he’d hole up in one of the “conference rooms” and practice. 

Of course, Keith had to play the little innocent kid act to the librarian, Joanne, who was the epitome of a white American grandma, to get her on his side so she wouldn’t be weirded out by a kid practicing karate and aikido in the library’s conference rooms, but it wasn’t too hard. Keith just pretended she was Grams, even though it hurt, and soon it had her bringing in cookies and knitted sweaters for Keith to enjoy. 

His form wasn’t perfect, but there was no way he was going to ask any of the foster families he was placed with to pay for him to go to lessons. So, Keith made do with what he had, and after learning the two styles separately for some time, he began to take pieces of each and incorporate them into a mashup sort of style that he called “Keith’s Kickass Technique,” which was a better name than “The Soulmate Search,” in his opinion, but he felt like he had a certain tendency for alliteration that left something to be desired in his naming of things. 

However, this new style bettered his self defense because aikido was very much about protecting the self while karate was more so about defending yourself. So, Keith’s Kickass Technique lead to him having a good mix of offense and defense, which ensured that he wouldn't get his ass beat in a fight. 

Of course, Keith had very little experience at first, but he got in a few fights and some of the combinations he'd learned and come up with helped him immensely in fighting back. 

When his agent, Ms. Keene, came to pick him up from that home, he'd just smiled, the black eye he currently wore hurt but he knew he won that fight. 

Ms. Keene looked at him and sighed in disappointment. He’d had a different agent for most of his time in the system named Mr. Walters, but he retired or was fired or something, Keith didn't really care. He'd been handed into Ms. Keene’s jurisdiction about a year ago, a bit after he’d left Grams’ house. 

She pulled him into the car, and as they drove away, she started to speak to him. 

“Keith. I know that you’ve been through some tough things, okay? You haven’t had the best time in the foster care system, I get it. But all this physical violence that’s going on… Frankly it’s going to ruin your entire trajectory.” She sighed again, and the smile was drifting off of Keith’s face. He knew that getting into fights wasn’t good, necessarily, but it was almost always in self-defense. Keith just wished he could tell her, and that she’d actually listen. 

But she continued on with her speech, not noticing the turmoil in Keith’s head as his long hair fell over his face. 

“I’ve pulled some strings for you, okay Keith? This next place you’re staying… It’s really nice. The family is beyond amazing and all that I’m asking for you is to try really hard not to get into any fights. I think that they’re a good fit for you, so please don’t be rash. Give them a chance.”

Keith was reluctant to do anything Ms. Keene told him to do, but he figured that maybe he should make an effort to not fight. It wasn’t as if he wanted to, or that it was his chosen path, but it just worked out that bullies saw him as an easy target to toy with, and he wanted to defend himself. Since he couldn’t do it with words, he made up “Keith’s Kickass Technique,” which turned out to be effective, however much of a notorious troublemaker it made him out to be. 

“Keith?” Ms. Keene snapped him out of his thoughts. “Please acknowledge what I’ve asked you.” 

Keith didn’t bother looking up, but instead stuck out his hand, a thumbs-up showing that he understood and would do his best not to fight. He wondered who the family would be, and hoped that having some strings pulled would have him end up in a place that wasn’t a group home. 

He stewed over the possibilities for a couple more minutes before shrugging, figuring that he probably wouldn’t be there over a year anyway, pulling out a book, and beginning to reread one of his favorite ones about magic. He got about three-fourths of the way through the book when the car finally slowed and Ms. Keene told him to hop out. 

When he stepped out of the car, Keith saw a man, a woman, and a boy who looked like he was in high school. Ms. Keene walked toward them with a smile and Keith followed, dragging his feet and his beat-up duffle behind him. 

_ They look nice,  _ he thought. But, Keith knew from experience that the family looking nice did not always mean that they were nice. 

Ms. Keene shook hands with everyone before saying, “Keith! Meet Naoko and Jin, your newest foster parents!” 

Keith quirked one side of his mouth and held up a hand briefly to constitute a wave. 

Everyone waved back, and as Ms. Keene was about to say something else, Naoko bent down to look at Keith eye-to-eye.

“Hello, Keith,” She addressed him by name and looked into his eyes. Keith wanted to look away, but something held him there about her presence. 

“We’re very glad to have you here.” She smiled at him for a moment before continuing, “I have a proposition for you. How about you and my son get to know each other while Jin, Ms. Keene, and I finish up a few details? He can give you the grand tour of our house. Does that sound okay?”

Keith considered this for a moment, and ultimately decided that it would be alright, showing his consent by a sharp nod of his head. And before he knew it, he was following the boy into the big, nice house like some others that he’d had the joy of staying in before. 

He was lead through rooms of what looked like a model house. Of course, there were bits of clutter, like on the corner of the kitchen counter or the dishes on the drying rack; the shelves with books and books on space, and the like. It looked effortlessly elegant but modern and comfortable, something Keith knew he’d never be able to express through his appearance in his entire life. 

The boy talked him through it all, and while Keith didn’t really care, he found himself drawn to the boy’s smile and how he was very enthusiastic, waving his hands in gestures, occasionally running them through his hair. He was magnetic, and Keith found himself more engaged than he normally would be, nodding along to agree with the boy’s stance on how white carpet was awful and Jack-and-Jill sinks in bathrooms are the optimal option. 

Finally, they came to a room that had a closed door. “Oh! This is your room!” The boy said excitedly, reaching for the knob and turning it while sending Keith a flashy smile. He opened the door in a grand way, kinda silly, but it made Keith feel a little bit special. 

He gave the boy a nod of thanks and stepped inside to survey where he’d be hiding out for the next few months at least, the next year at most. It was pretty plain, a bed with a neutral color bedspread, white walls, a closet, a half-full bookshelf, a dresser, a desk, and a lamp. Keith put his bag down at the foot of the bed and nodded in assurance to himself.

_ Get used to it, Kogane. This is yours for the foreseeable future.  _

“Do you like it?” The boy’s voice cut through his thoughts. 

Keith turned around and flashed him a thumbs-up with a small quirk of his lips, and he realized that it had been a while and he still did not know the boy’s name, nor had it been explained that he didn’t speak. 

Keith sighed minutely before going into his bag and dug around for the pad of notebook paper and pencil he kept handy for these kinds of situations. 

Under the boy’s curious gaze, he wrote out,  _ Hey, I’m Keith Kogane, just in case you didn’t catch my name. You didn’t tell me yours. And I don’t talk. Just so you know. _

When he was finished, Keith thrust the pad at the boy for him to read. He took it and understanding slowly spread over his face, along with a little blush of embarrassment. 

“Ah, okay. Sorry about that, I didn’t mean to not introduce myself. Takashi Shirogane, at your service.”

He held out a hand for Keith to shake, which he stared at for a couple of seconds before responding to. 

While they shook hands, he mentioned, “Most people call me Shiro, though, for ease of speech. Or, writing, I guess.” They separated hands. “Oh! Let me write down my name so you can see it. Most people find that helpful.” 

Keith handed over the pencil and watched as the newly dubbed Shiro wrote out  _ My name is Takashi Shirogane, or just Shiro :)  _

While Shiro did so, Keith studied his short black hair with fringe (but not as long as Keith’s), his dark grey eyes, and the openness that seemed to radiate off of him. Half of Keith thought  _ Be wary _ , but the other half really wanted to trust Shiro. He seemed pretty cool, actually, and Keith was big time hoping he didn’t turn out to be a jerk. 

So when Keith took the pad back, he decided to take a small chance and wrote out,  _ Good to know. Nice to meet you Shiro.  _ He paused for a minute, thinking sarcastically that Ms. Keene would be proud of the effort he was putting in before hesitantly adding,  _ So I don’t have to write, I can thumbs-up or down if you ask yes or no questions. _

Upon deciphering his chicken scratch, Shiro smiled. “Yeah, that’s a great idea, it’s probably a lot more convenient than writing all the time too!” He paused for a moment before realizing something. “Oh! We haven’t finished the tour, would you like to see the rest of the house?” 

Thinking about it for a moment, Keith knew he should get familiar with the layout in case he needed a different place to hide than “his” room, so he thumbs-upped. And with that, he was swept back up into Shiro’s grand tour, which included a lot of hyperbole, opinions from the man himself on decor, and anecdotes about spaces in the house. 

The one other place that really stood out to him, though, was Shiro’s room. It had walls mostly covered in posters filled with stars, planets, and some people. There was a bookshelf practically overflowing with books that all seemed to have a common theme in space or physics. When Shiro told him to look up, Keith saw a multitude of glow-in-the-dark stickers on the ceiling, which Shiro proudly announced that he’d put up himself a couple years ago and that they were done astronomically correctly. He pointed out a few constellations, and Keith couldn’t help but become enthralled in the explanations he heard because of the obvious passion that Shiro possessed on the subject. 

However, after a couple minutes into the third Greek mythology explanation, Shiro shook his head and said, “Wow, I was talking for a while, yeah?” He gave a little laugh and rubbed the back of his neck. “You know, you can always poke me if I go down a hole talking about space, people always tell me that I should shut up about it once in a while.” 

Shiro looked downward and away from Keith, the expression on his face so discouraged that Keith couldn’t help but feel a pang of sympathy. 

_ Screw it,  _ he decided,  _ he looks like he could use someone to be a little nice to him.  _ So, Keith went over to Shiro and poked him. Shiro looked up at him quickly, his face surprised when his eyes landed on Keith’s hand as he made a shooing motion before flashing a thumbs-up.

_ It’s okay. You can talk about space however much you want.  _

To complete the look, Keith quirked the corners of his mouth into a small smile. 

Thankfully, Shiro understood what he was trying to say, and told him thanks before continuing on with the tour. 

When they were done, they’d ended back in the living room, complete with comfy looking couches and a large TV. 

Keith glanced at Shiro before looking away again, not knowing what to do now that he’d seen the whole house, not quite feeling comfortable with Shiro even though they had come to an understanding of sorts. Keith just knew that he didn’t want to screw things up this early, because it could have big consequences for him. He’d been through moving too many times before, and Keith still didn’t know his standing in the house. 

“I think my parents should be done soon,” Shiro said, breaking the silence and talking a little too fast. He looked a bit uncomfortable, clutching his right elbow with his left hand across his body, leaning into one hip against the entryway of the room. He was avoiding looking at Keith, instead staring down at the carpet. 

He laughed nervously before coming off the wall and smiling hesitantly at Keith. “Do you, uh, do you like video games?” 

The question was surprising, but Keith quickly nodded, thinking of the hologames he’d seen come out recently, including some new VR tech. It’d always interested him, but he’d never really had a chance to play before. 

“Cool! ‘Cause, like, maybe if you want we could play a game or two until my parents are done talking to Ms. Keene?” 

Keith thumbs-upped, returning the hesitant smile that Shiro threw his way. 

The responding hundred-watt smile that cast over Shiro’s face for a second after made Keith glad he’d said yes, and Shiro excitedly went over to the TV to turn it on as well as a gaming system that looked quite old to Keith. 

“Okay, so I was thinking we could play something I doubt you’ve seen before. It’s an old game, kinda vintage to be honest, and the graphics suck, ‘cause the game’s like, one my parents used to play. And it’s even on, like, the old-ass Wii-U my friend Matt helped me fix up from my grandparent’s house and stuff but um. It’s called Mario Kart, I hope you like racing games?” He looked at Keith in panic. “Do you like racing games?” 

Keith nodded in reassurance. He’d played Mario Kart before, in one of the group homes he’d stayed at. Half the remotes didn’t work and the Wii broke if you moved it wrong, in addition to the TV screen being tiny, and it’d fizz out every now and then, so you’d have to bang the side of it ‘til the fuzz cleared in the middle of every round. But he’d played before, and he didn’t suck too much, as long as Shiro didn’t pick Rainbow Road. 

“Good. Well, let’s go then!” Keith was tossed a remote and they started to play. 

At first it was really awkward, both of them driving down the track with just the background music playing softly, but then Keith got hit with a red shell and stomped his foot a little with a sharp exhale. Shiro exclaimed in surprise, which made him jerk so he fell off the bridge he’d been crossing. 

“Dammit!” He swore lightly, and it broke the tension just enough that Keith stopped thinking so much, stopped trying to be perfect, stopped perching on the couch and instead let himself sink into it a little. 

He flicked the remote to make the bike he chose wheelie, edging forward, passing his opponents slowly on his way to first place. Shiro’s commentary along with Keith’s gasps, huffs, and other various noises increased in volume and intensity as the cup went on, until it culminated in Shiro getting hit by a blue shell on the last lap with the finish line in sight. 

“I cannot believe the AUDACITY of Baby Peach!” He exclaimed, watching the screen helplessly as his character flipped up into the sky. “Look at this, Keith. Look at this travesty! How could someone do this to me, to  _ Mario _ ? Baby Peach should respect her elders, that’s what I think she should do. Miscreant.” He shook his head, and Keith’s shoulders were shaking trying to hold in a laugh at Shiro’s production while he tried to keep his position of third. 

“No!” Shiro gasped. “No, Baby Peach cannot beat me. Do not pass! You better not, you fool, you uneducated baby! Nonononono!” Shiro was on the edge of his seat, leaning forward and his gaze intent on the screen. 

Keith made a split second choice, and between the giggles he was suppressing, he pressed the down arrow on his remote to launch one of the red shells he still had directly at Baby Peach, watching her baby stroller cart flip over itself, and Keith flicked his remote for the wheelie again over Shiro’s whoop. 

They crossed the finish line in first and second place. 

“Keith! Dude that was awesome! C’mon, teamwork let’s go, give me a high five!” 

Keith didn’t hesitate, slapping his palm against Shiro’s and they both beamed at each other in triumph. 

They played a few more rounds, now more comfortable with each other after the hectic game. 

When his parents came in, it was disrupted, but Keith hoped with all his being that things would stay this nice, at least with Shiro, though he didn’t hold out much hope. 

Through the dinner that they all ate, Keith observed the family dynamics of the Shiroganes. He knew Shiro was at least a bit nice, and Naoko didn’t seen awful, but Jin he was a teensy bit worried about. 

Shiro told his parents about the tour of the house he gave Keith, which made Naoko smile encouragingly and she told Keith that she hoped Shiro was nice to him. There was a lot of storytelling, encouraging, and laughter, but Jin seemed to stay out of it the most, preferring to watch and only offering up a few details of his day at work. 

After dinner, Naoko laid out the rules in the house for Keith, which contained a rotating chore schedule, a bedtime, and limited hours playing video games. 

_ Not too bad,  _ he thought. 

And thus started his reluctant stay in this newest house. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoyed!! Let me know what you think and see y'all next week! Have a lovely day :)


	2. come on in and tug at my seams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more of that blessed #broganes content  
also is that lowkey the beginnings of some hero worship i see?????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from [Basket Case](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOHVZ-NP53A) by Sara Bareilles

It happened slowly. Keith didn't want to trust the Shiroganes, because he knew he'd just have to leave. But, for some reason, it was hard to remember, more than it ever had been. 

Naoko met him in the kitchen his second morning there, and she asked him what he wanted from a variety of foods. "Toast," he'd write out on the paper. By the third week, Naoko had put together a whiteboard of the breakfast foods for the week and Keith would just check off which ones he wanted. They created a routine of it, the first two up out of the family and they ate in silence that at first was stilted but then became comfortable. 

Jin, Keith was very wary around. He seemed like such a stern man that it frightened Keith, because he'd been around such men before and it wasn't always a pleasant experience. At all costs, he avoided being alone with him, walking silently through the room while Jin read his newspaper in the later afternoons after work rather than the early mornings that Naoko and Keith preferred. 

Normally, Keith didn't see Shiro until about ten thirty. When he asked why, Shrio mumbled something about reading space magazines and looking at memes on his phone, which made Keith roll his eyes, but he kinda wished he could read late at night too. 

When he finally told Shiro he might be interested in reading, Shiro told him excitedly that he was welcome to any books in the house, showing Keith the shelf in his bedroom where his personal favorites were stored. 

“Come in here anytime you want to read any of them! And if I’m not here, just leave me a note with which ones you took,” he told Keith with a smile. 

It was almost too much it made Keith want to run away; he didn’t know how to handle how nice Shiro was being. He was too used to having everyone scorn him after a couple days, but Shiro didn’t.

Especially when Shiro was playing video games.

Keith only kinda knew how to play them, and mostly it was older versions of stuff. But Shiro had no such problems, and seemed to get through levels of anything with skill and ease. 

Keith thought Shiro would think he was weird, but he really wanted to watch. So, sometimes he’d “happen” to have a snack when Shiro was in the middle of a game, and the living room couch was the perfect place to eat snacks. It was only a mere coincidence that the couch had a perfect view of the TV. 

And, slowly, it went beyond that. 

Keith learned that Shiro was a student at the Garrison, a super prestigious space school. He’d talk for hours about space– the life sequence of stars, black holes, time dilation, general and special relativity– and Keith loved it. 

It took him back to vague memories of a telescope in the corner of a room and the whisper of his mother being in the stars, watching over him. 

He soaked up every word Shiro was saying, and soon found himself with a new idol. 

He kept trying to push himself away, but then Shiro would seek him out, like he wanted his presence, wanted his company and stupid notes and thumbs ups or downs. 

The latest incident, he remembered, had gone something like this:

Keith was just reading a book that Shiro noticed him eyeing and had given to him without a word when he himself appeared in Keith’s doorway.

“Hey Keith!” He said, sounding excited. Keith looked up to see him dressed in ripped black jeans and a leather jacket with fingerless gloves, which made him raise his eyebrows and quirk his head to the side a bit. 

Shiro saw his confusion and continued, still smiling heavily. “I’m gonna go out and ride my hoverbike, and I thought you might want to come?”

Keith widened his eyes in surprise, the book in his hands falling to the side in favor of the offer of riding on Shiro’s hoverbike. 

_ Just when I thought he couldn’t get any cooler…  _

He focused back in a moment later to hear Shiro rambling nervously. “I mean I don’t know if you like them but you liked Mario Kart and my friends don’t trust my driving very much. They say I go too fast, but I promise I’m perfectly safe!” 

Keith positively jumped off his bed, nodding frantically and pulling two thumbs-ups, a smile lighting up his face. 

Shiro made him wear a dumb helmet and some fingerless gloves that were slightly too big. In addition, when Naoko saw them sneaking out the garage door, her eyebrow raised until Shiro caved and she sent Keith back in to wear jeans and his red leather jacket. 

But when they finally got out there, Shiro speeding down the deserted desert roads, Keith felt something that had been tight in his chest uncoil, and the grin across his face stayed there long after they returned from the ride. 

After that, hoverbike rides became a heavily featured activity between the boys in the Shirogane household, and every time Keith came back a little more relaxed than when he’d left. 

* * *

Midway through week two of his stay, Keith was almost ready to dial back his worrying. Nobody had noticed that he woke up early to practice his Kickass Technique in his room. Nobody had tried to make him talk. 

Naoko and Jin accepted Shiro’s explained system of thumbs-ups/downs, and Naoko even bought a whiteboard and pens that quickly scattered all over the house for quick communication beyond that. 

Jin he thought he might just be able to handle too, after an interesting day when Keith was reading a book on cosmology and Jin sat down with him to read the newspaper. It became a routine in the afternoons when Jin returned from work while the rest of the family was occupied. 

He’d found out that Naoko was a therapist on the third day and was definitely wary around her, but she never said anything to him about talking, even though he was sure it said on his file that his lack of speech was voluntary. She proceeded to be perfectly nice, and even thoughtful in many areas, which slowly lead him to be at his current level of smiling at her and only slightly wary.

Shiro was the best part of living with the Shiroganes, though. He never acted like Keith was a burden, he was cool, and he was fun. He went to hang out with his friends a lot, but that was fine with Keith. It gave him time to read and time to just be alone in the silence, which he needed to recharge sometimes. 

Of course, sometimes Keith felt like everything was going to turn around and get bad. He’d seen it happen before, and there was little doubt that it would happen again. 

He just told himself to cherish it while it was still good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a bit short i know... don't come for me the next one will be longer!!!! 
> 
> Also if yall have any fics that feature some good ass broganes (w/ klance if possible) feel free to call my attention to 'em. Love me some broganes in this house. 
> 
> anyhow yall have a good weekend!!!


	3. someday i, i won’t have to feel the cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Broganes bonding time for our weak souls :' )
> 
> aka Keith's self-worth and abandonment issues vs. his hero worship with Shiro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from [Fire](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuouqKN7kLo) by Sara Bareilles

Keith’s plan to cherish the good was challenged one day as he walked down the hall towards Shiro’s room. However, when he was about to enter, he heard Shiro say his name. 

“-know that, but Keith, the new kid that my parents are fostering? Yeah. He hangs around me a lot, Nat. So that’s why I’m asking for your help.” 

Keith froze. _ Help? Who is he talking to and why does he need help? Does he hate me? Oh god, he wants to get rid of me, I’m annoying him. _

Shiro continued, oblivious to Keith’s eavesdropping. 

“Stooooop Nat, that’s not funny! I swear if he calls me ‘Mr. Shirogane’ I’m going to throw a fit! … And I was not that much of a brat, you be quiet, _ Ms. Hill_!” 

Now Keith was just confused. _ What is he talking about? _

“For real Nat, just help me,” Shiro whined. “I don’t wanna be an asshole. I like Keith, he’s a cute kid.” He sounded sincere, and it was enough to make Keith rock back onto his heels in shock. 

_ Shiro _ doesn’t _ hate me? _ He felt elation but quickly stomped it down. _ Wait he thinks I’m cute? Ugh. _

“Well he doesn’t talk, and communicating kinda sucks, but we have a system. Notes and thumbs up or down for yes or no questions… Yeah I normally talk… He just pokes me if I go on a space rant, mhm. But he almost never does, he seems to like ‘em… Take that back! You were _ paid _to tutor me Nat, and in science, not in the ways of the world… God you’re awful, he’s not a nuisance and neither was I! Okay fine, you wanna meet him? I’ll bring him to the next race. There you go. Fine. Done… Bye asshole, see you soon. Yeah, yeah, love you too or whatever. Mhm. Bye.” 

Before Keith could process, he ran back to his room, shutting the door quietly before he threw himself on his bed. Then he allowed himself to start freaking out. 

_ I’m going to meet one of Shiro’s friends. _

_ Oh God, they’re going to hate me. I’m stupid and I don’t talk and I’m _ worthless _ they’ll hate me for sure. _

_ How do I get out of this? Can I be sick tomorrow? What should I do, I can’t go. Shiro will see how much of a loser I am next to his regular friends and he’ll never want to hang out with me again and the Shiroganes will send me away— _

Someone knocked on his door. 

“Keith, can I come in?” It was Shiro. 

Keith froze and looked up at his door. He quickly calculated his options, but decided that getting it over with would be the only way to do this painlessly as possible. He steeled himself for a moment, took a deep breath, then clapped his hands once to reply “yes” (this was Shiro’s idea, a code of claps, one for yes and two for no when Keith couldn’t be seen).

His door opened to reveal Shiro with a smile on his face, a sight that was quickly becoming familiar during his stay. 

Shiro leaned in the doorway and began to say, “Hey Keith! I was just talking to my friend Natalie, and she said it’d be cool to meet you. So, would you maybe like to come with me to our next hovercart race? You could even participate if you wanted, it would be really cool! I promise, none of my friends are assholes or anything.” 

Keith felt the dread in his stomach wind tighter, but even though he wanted to say no, he found himself nodding.

As he flashed a thumbs-up, Keith told himself, _ Well at least you’re not delaying the inevitable. _

The blinding smile Shiro gave in response almost made agreeing feel worthwhile, easing the dread momentarily as he cried, “Thank you Keith! I’m so pumped, my friends will love you!”

And so Keith got ready to dig his own grave. 

Miraculously, Keith didn’t throw up through an entire dinner, night full of tossing, turning, and second guessing, and breakfast of as little as possible. Shiro had noticed his nerves and tried to alleviate them by telling Keith more about Natalie Hill, his mentor-turned-friend, Matt Holt, his technician and nerdy friend, and Adam Wheeler, his flight partner and best bud. 

None of this information helped Keith feel better, however, only reinforcing his low opinion of himself and showing how cool Shiro’s friends were versus himself, the loser freak.

_ They’ll hate me_, played on loop in tandem with the insults of all his bullies over the years.

But somehow he found himself on Shiro’s hoverbike parked in front of the racing building a couple hours before lunch on a slightly windy but sunny summer day. 

“Here we are!” Shiro clapped his hands twice after sliding off his bike. He smiled while taking his helmet off and putting it under his arm. 

“I’m so excited! I think you’ll love racing, Keith. I know how much you like to go fast on my hoverbike.” Shiro’s grin turned sharp, giving his playfulness an edge. 

Keith breathed in and out, collecting himself, still not having moved off Shiro’s bike. A feeling overcame him, something warm and consuming that he didn’t know how to articulate besides the thought, _ I don’t deserve this _ popping into his head. 

But, he gave Shiro a thumbs-up in recognition and bit back tears that, for some reason, began to well up in his eyes. 

Shiro lead Keith inside while Keith took a moment to scold himself for getting emotional. _ Get a grip, stupid_, he thought as he scanned the room they entered. 

When Shiro came to a halt, Keith was prepared, come what may.

Three people stood in front of him, two boys and one girl. Keith recognized them from pictures on Shiro’s desk and in a few hung up in the halls. 

“Everyone!” Shiro announced, “This is Keith! Keith, these are my idiot friends: Natalie Hill, Adam Wheeler, and Matt Holt.” As he said each name, Keith got a wave from the red haired girl, a smile from the boy with darker hair, and a peace sign from the boy with round glasses in the order of their names. 

In response, he brought up a small smile and waved tentatively at Shiro’s friends. 

“Cool to meet ya Keith,” Matt said. “I don’t know how you’ve lived with Shiro this long and not gone crazy with how much he talks about space!” 

“Like you’re one to talk, Matt!” Natalie retorted. “You probably know more theories about black holes than anyone else I know, and that one time I remember your sister literally left the room once you said the words ‘event horizon’ because she didn’t want to hear you get into it again.” 

They continued to banter, and Keith felt himself relax marginally, watching the easy mannered back and forth. There was obviously no malicious intent, because everyone was smiling and laughing as the exchange went on. 

_ This could go okay, _ he hoped. 

Then, he was pulled back into it. 

“But seriously Keith, what do you do when Shiro goes off?” Adam asked. 

Thankfully, Keith had his small pocket notebook and pen, and scribbled down _ I like it, so I listen mostly. If I really gotta stop him, I just poke his arm til he stops. _And showed it to the group, which consequently moved closer to him so they could read his chicken scratch. He almost wanted to back up, but that would be counterproductive. They were trying to include him. They were being nice. 

“Aha! Told you, Nat.” Shiro sounded smug before he stuck his tongue out at her playfully. 

Watching how at ease Shiro was, Keith couldn’t help the small smile that wormed its way onto his face and a minute release of the tension gathered in his shoulders. 

They chatted for a minute or two more, Keith giving his two cents every now and then with thumbs-ups or downs, until Matt asked, “What are we doing here? We’re supposed to be hovercart racing. We should do what we came here to do instead of standing around like idiots.” 

They went through the process of handing in paperwork (for Keith, the rest were on file), getting helmets on, and getting told the instructions (for Keith, the others mimed sleep during the speech) before finally reaching the track. 

Some others were in there finishing up, so they had to wait a few minutes. While the others were talking to each other, Keith found himself studying how the racers drove on the track. They were going very fast, and hardly using the brakes at all. Keith noted when they did use the brakes, and the fact that the drivers leaned into turns to make them sharper. 

He couldn’t wait to get out there and go fast. He felt a grin spread across his face. 

Before he knew it, Shiro was calling his name, and Keith joined the group to select a cart. He found a red one with the number twelve printed on the side in black, and immediately knew that was it. 

Everyone entered their chosen vehicles, and after the countdown, they were off.

It was obvious that Shiro and his friends came often to the track, they were very fast and very good. However, this did not discourage Keith in the slightest. Watching their carts get further and further away from him lit a fire in his chest. 

He wanted to do better. He wanted to be better; he wanted to win. 

So, Keith started to be a little bit more reckless. His foot only eased off the gas when he approached a turn, where he leaned with all his might into in and pressed hard on the acceleration once he came out of it. 

Even though he was behind, the wind felt amazing on his neck and the swoop in his stomach left him feeling light. He felt like fire: bright and ready to burn. 

Keith ended making up a little bit of the gap that was between them, but before he could do much more, their turn was over. 

When they all got off, Shiro took out his phone and took a picture of their timestamps on the board. 

“I’ll add it to the spreadsheet,” he said. His eyebrows furrowed, and he tapped his phone a few times. His jaw dropped a fraction, and Keith as well as Nat, Matt, and Adam all looked at him, waiting for Shiro to say something. 

“Oh my god.” A grin was creeping across his face. “Keith.” 

_ Oh crap, what did I do now? _Keith felt the nerves of earlier climb back into his head. 

“That was your first time racing?” 

Keith nodded. 

Shiro let out a startled laugh. “You beat me. Your first time here, and you beat my first big milestone score by a second and a half.” 

Natalie gasped. “Keith! Shiro got that time when he was thirteen! How old are you?” She ran her eyes over him. “Ten?” 

“He’s eleven,” Shiro corrected, still looking awed. 

Keith blinked. _ What? _was the only thing his mind could think. 

“Woah, that’s awesome, dude!” Matt said. 

“Good job, Keith!” Adam sounded genuine. 

Slowly, Keith took out his pad and wrote, _ Are you telling me that I just got a faster time than you did when you were thirteen on my first race? _ It took him longer than it would have because his hands were shaking a little bit. He had to make sure he hadn’t misheard. 

_ This is obviously some sort of dream_. He felt a little detached.

“Yeah Keith. That’s exactly what I’m saying.” Shiro patted his shoulder. “I didn’t know you were so good! You’re a natural. You have to come back with us, and we’ll show you all our little tips and tricks next time.” 

Adam smiled at him. “I saw you pull some rather gutsy maneuvers too. I don’t know if we’ve mentioned, but hovercart racing is another way we crosstrain for Garrison simulation piloting. I think-” 

Matt cut in, “Nat! Can we have him try one?” 

She looked intrigued by the idea. “I think that if he can shave another five seconds off his time I can sneak him in right before the school year starts.” Her demeanor shifted after a moment. “If that’s something you’d want,” she added to Keith. 

_ This is definitely a dream, but I do not want to refuse. _

Keith nodded frantically. With practice, he could definitely shave off five seconds of his time. 

He was sure of it. He’d _ make _ sure of it. 

He left the building with Shiro an hour later feeling positively radiant. His shoulders were back and his head gazed out proudly as he put the helmet back on his head to get on Shiro’s hoverbike to go home. 

“Good job, Keith,” Shiro said. “I know that you were nervous about coming today, but I’m really glad you did. I had lots of fun with you, and you were amazing for a first timer out there.” 

Keith made a face at that comment playfully, thinking, _ Yeah yeah, this first timer beat your first record already! _

Shiro smiled as if he’d heard Keith’s thoughts. “I just know that by the end of the summer you’ll have shaved off the time you’ll need to. Five seconds isn’t a lot. And we’ll keep practicing. After all, patience yields focus, as my mom says. You’ll get there.” 

All Keith could do was nod at Shiro’s confidence in him. He couldn’t wait to come back already. 

During the ride home, Shiro went a little faster than normal on his hoverbike, yelling to Keith not to tell his parents. Keith just grinned extra wide and leaned into the corners like he was hovercart racing again. 

When he and Shiro burst through the garage door with twin smiles on their faces, Naoko looked especially pleased and even Jin congratulated Keith when the news was shared over dinner. 

Keith looked around the table and felt a part of himself long broken sliding into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bam bam folks we've done it again! another week has passed and i hope that everyone had fun on Hallow's Eve like myself!! B)
> 
> as always feel free to tell me your thoughts!! and i'll see y'all next time!!


	4. i’m well-versed in how i might be cursed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith's starting to actually settle into his new home :D 
> 
> aka Shiro is a dork, Jin and Keith have a conversation, and Naoko is Mom of the Year, but they're only just starting to make Keith's doubts waver

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from [Machine Gun](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fN54aD2B_A&list=OLAK5uy_mX7H2un_KDAsd5JZ03Ml2-YrYKp0_QYIQ&index=10) by Sara Bareilles

Two days after the hovercart extravaganza, Shiro came knocking on Keith’s door. 

“Hi Keith,” he said through the door. “I know that you might not care at all, but I like spending time with you, and it seemed like you had fun with the hovercarts, so… Um, I already asked my mom and she said that it would be okay if you came with me to karate class, if you wanna come?” 

Keith scrambled off his bed and threw the door open, his eyes wide and book forgotten. Then, he turned around, grabbed a whiteboard, and scrawled  _ YES I WANT TO GO TO KARATE WITH YOU!!!!!!! _

He didn’t even have to show Shiro, who entered his room to read over his shoulder. “Awesome! And, um, if you want, I’m like a junior black belt and I can teach you if you’ll have me.” 

Keith seriously wanted to reconsider his entire life. Ms. Keene had pulled strings indeed. He was living in a huge, nice house where he got three meals a day, watched Shiro play video games and even played some himself, read any books in the house whenever he wanted to, nobody made him talk, Naoko and Jin hadn’t been mean yet, they always knocked before they entered his room and waited for a “yes” clap before doing so, Shiro for some reason enjoyed his company, they took rides on his hoverbike together, the family watched space shows, he was going to go hovercart racing twice a week, and  _ now _ Shiro was inviting Keith to join him at karate class. 

This was the best thing Keith could remember since being thrown in the air and caught by his dad in their dusty little house in Texas, perhaps even better than beating Shiro’s score on the hovercart. 

He underlined the yes he’d written and felt himself smiling more than he could remember. It made his face hurt, but in a way that wasn’t so terrible that it made him mind. 

_ My Kickass Technique will get so much better, and Shiro will be the one teaching me!  _

Keith was ready to go there and then. 

“Okay, awesome! I’m glad that’s sorted. The class is tomorrow, I go four times a week. You don’t have to come every time but the offer is open!” 

_ Like I would ever turn down going, doesn’t matter if it were once a week or seven!  _

Keith nodded and laboriously wrote  _ Thank you, Shiro, _ on his whiteboard in his nicest handwriting, underlining it once he was done. 

“It’s really no problem,” Shiro brushed away his praise, a blush starting to crawl across his face. 

The next time Keith went out to practice hovercart racing, Naoko got a karate uniform for Keith and left it for him to find on his bed with a small note.

_ Keith _ , it read,  _ This is what we hope can serve as your karate uniform. It was Shiro’s before, but now we’re passing it on to you. We hope that’s alright, but if you’d like a new one, you can just check the box at the end of this letter and we’ll get one for you. We just thought you might like to have an extra part of Shiro cheering you on! From, Naoko and Jin _

On the back of the letter, there were two boxes, one for keeping the uniform and one for getting a new one. 

There was no doubt in Keith’s mind when he checked the “I’ll keep this one” box, and he placed it on the counter next to Naoko’s toast the next morning. 

When she saw which one he’d checked, she smiled brightly and told him she was glad he liked it. Keith couldn’t resist a small smile and he nodded once to signify his thanks.

* * *

That afternoon, Keith was reading a book on the couch. It was a recommendation from Shiro, and he found himself lost in the high tech cowboy space opera plot enough that he barely heard the rustle of Jin’s newspaper as he sat down in the same room. 

Them sharing afternoons like this hadn’t been normalized yet, but it had happened enough that Keith no longer felt unsafe when they occupied the same space. 

Keith brushed his hair out of his face. The strands were getting untidy; it hadn’t been cut in a long time. Once his vision was clear, he flicked his eyes up to see where Jin was sitting. After making sure Jin’s position didn’t block him from exiting the room if need be, he went back to the novel, this time not immersing himself as completely as he had before. 

They went on reading for some time, Keith plowing through chapters as Jin methodically made his way through the current events sections of the newspapers, then skipping the sports section and lingering on the comics. Every chapter, Keith would brush his hair out of his eyes and subtly recheck Jin’s positioning just in case. 

Perhaps, however, it wasn’t as subtly as he would have liked, because Jin put down the paper once he was done with it and said, “Keith?”

Keith, who had let himself slip into the novel a bit too much, startled at hearing his name. 

_ Jin never talks to me, what is this about? _

He looked over to Jin and tilted his head to signify that he was listening, simultaneously trying to calm his rapidly beating heart. 

“Your hair is getting very long. Do you like it like this?” he asked, his tone observational and punctuated by very little movement in his body.

Keith tried to keep his face straight as possible, but internally was wondering where this was going. Jin had no reason to ask him about his hair. 

Regardless, Keith needed to answer, so he shrugged. He had originally clung onto his hair because his dad was the last one to cut it, and he had trusted exactly zero adults while he was in foster care. Then, he’d let Grams shear it all off close to his head after she’d fussed about him looking too much like a “little hooligan.” After he’d been moved, it had grown back out to about the same length as it had been before. 

His hair had its uses. Hiding behind it was functional, and it added to that bad boy look about him that reinforced his “lost cause” narrative. He was a surly kid and had long hair, it fit the stereotype. Keith tried his best to discourage anyone else from trying to get him to “open up” anyway, since eventually he’d just leave.

But, to be honest, having to flick it out his face all the time wasn’t super fun; it was almost to the point that he needed a hair tie, which wasn’t practical. In too many novels he’d read that hair ties disappeared like magic, and he didn’t have extra cash to stock up on back-ups, so maybe he should cut it.

Keith just wasn’t sure if there was anyone he trusted to hold the scissors near his head and only cut his hair. 

Jin continued, still giving off an air of neutrality. “Shiro gets his hair cut by me. If you want, I can give yours a trim sometime as well. It is up to you.” 

Keith looked at him for a moment, curious. 

_ That’s not what I thought he was going to say.  _ He admitted to himself, then nodded to Jin to signify he’d heard. 

With that, Jin gave him one more nod, picked up his paper, and left the room to do more work before dinnertime. 

* * *

Largely, Keith felt normal. 

For swaths of time, he forgot that he didn’t have a soulmate, that his dad was gone and not dead no matter what everybody else said, that he was in foster care and had anger issues. 

It was Shiro’s fault. He was just so cool, so willing to talk to Keith, so willing to just be with him that Keith wasn’t consumed with any thoughts of not being right or enough.

It came with sitting and watching Shiro play his way through vintage Wii games. It came from reading books that came from Shiro’s bookshelf, and when Keith returned them, he always made Keith stay and write out his thoughts on the whiteboard with the dark blue expo marker that was always on his desk nowadays. It came from Shiro’s invitations to Keith to come with him to hovercarting, karate practice, hoverbike rides, and even just to the park the other week with his friends. It came with their newest tradition of watching a space show around dinnertime– often with dinner if they could swing it with Naoko and Jin– and having discussions about the coolest parts combined with mini physics lessons from Shiro afterward. It came with the fact that he was never talked down to, and given just enough space to keep their relationship that of friends instead of caretaker and kid. 

And when Keith felt normal, he relaxed. His bedroom fell slightly out of perfect order, and he didn’t fix it. Sometimes, when his Kickass Technique alarm rang early and bright at seven am, he just rolled over and turned the thing off instead of practicing. His writing to Shiro was less stilted and formal, and Keith didn’t spend long hours of the night holding his dagger and tracing over the edges. 

It didn’t mean he was settled in, but he realized he hadn’t made any trips to the nearest public library since arriving at the Shiroganes’ household. 

At the time, he’d been browsing Shiro’s bookshelves for another new book to read, and he’d thought  _ It’s a good thing that Shiro has so many books, it’s much more convenient than having to walk to the library. Hah! Why walk to the library when you practically have one in your house? _

His fingertips, skimming across titles, came to a halt. 

He didn’t pick out any more books that day. 

But, Keith didn’t go to the nearest public library either, so encased in the guise of normality that sometimes, when the mood was right and his thoughts were silent, he let himself pretend that this was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall's comments on the last chapter had me weak, i want you to know. you're TOO NICE!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! thank you so much for your kind words.
> 
> i really hope you liked this chapter as well!!! as always feel free to chat with me in the comments and let me know your thoughts! have a lovely weekend and week-- you deserve it!! <3


	5. she’s imperfect, but she tries (she is lonely, most of the time)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More angst, more broganes, and more of Keith opening himself up... It's a process y'all
> 
> also!!! our boy Keith has some moderate panicking instances. I wouldn't call them full attacks but like,,, take care of yourself kiddos. If you want more details there'll be a description in the end notes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from [She Used to be Mine ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53GIADHxVzM) by Sara Bareilles

On their last excursion to the hovercart track, Keith had overheard a few other patrons talking about a new movie that was out. He had been entirely disinterested until he’d heard two names– Alcina and Gajan– and started to pay attention immediately. 

One of his favorite novels was about a pair of best friends of the same name that ran a boarding house on a faraway planet. They had a whole adventure while trying to save Alcina’s older brother who got captured by the overlord pirates, called Keres Collective, that ended up with them joining a rebellion and using their boarding house to run a base of operations to overthrow KC. 

“The acting was so good! And they stayed true to the book, which was the coolest part.” One of the girls said to her friend, who nodded in return and said something about their “film school nerd heart.” 

Keith had listened to them rehash the plot, the actors, the details they had to cut out of the movie, the set design, and the significance of the colors of light used in the film before he’d felt a tap on his shoulder, jumping to face who’d startled him. 

It was Adam, who’d given him a curious look but not pried, only prompting him to come join the rest of Shiro’s motley crew on the race course. Keith had blushed and gotten himself over there pronto, shoving the movie out of his mind reluctantly as Shiro gently ribbed him about being a “space cadet” in more ways than one. 

Unfortunately, it didn’t get any better on the track.

While Keith was making his way around a turn, trying to not think about the cool visual effects that the teens had been describing, a thought unbidden appeared in his head.

_ What if I asked Shiro to take me to see it? _ Keith stepped on the accelerator a bit too much in surprise, and shaking his head, tried to get back in the game. 

_ Stupid, he’d never take you. He’s already doing enough as it is, and if you’re around too much he’ll realize how annoying you really are and leave. _

Keith cringed at the truth of the thought as he rounded the second to last turn a little wide, his teeth grit. 

_ Just shut up and drive, _he told himself.

His distraction was visible in the rest of his times as Shiro entered all of them into the spreadsheet. Keith’s were almost the same as his original time, and he’d shaved off almost a second and a half since then.

Shiro looked to him, frowning, but also didn’t comment on it. 

Matt, upon seeing the scoreboard, and given Keith a pat on the shoulder and a sympathetic smile that didn’t make him feel looked down on but instead understood, and asked Keith if he wanted to hear the newest theory he had about black holes. Keith nodded, giving him a grateful smile as Matt went off about singularities making no sense scientifically. 

They got back in line for another turn, and Matt babbled about how wormholes at the center of black holes would be much cooler, and what if on the other side of a wormhole was the opposite of a black hole, like a white hole?

Keith performed better the second time around, but still not as well as before. 

_ Why can’t I just take what I’m getting and be grateful? _

This time, Natalie pulled him aside and said, “Hey, I just wanted to tell you: we all have off days, it’s not a big deal. Sometimes you plateau and sometimes you go back, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it Keith. We know you’ll come back stronger next time.” 

He smiled at her but it felt hollow. 

_ I’m so stupid. Not only have I been distracted by this movie, but then I think I have the right to monopolize more of Shiro’s time? I don’t deserve to come here with Shiro and his friends in the first place, I just slow them down and they’re wasting their time trying to make me shave five whole seconds off my time. I should just go home now and spare them and myself the trouble. _

Keith stood apart from the group as they got back in line again, waving off anyone who tried to come close. He didn’t want or need their pity. 

When they came to the front, Keith didn’t grab a helmet and instead made his way over to the exit part of the track, leaning against the barrier. 

He stood there for a moment, studying his nails until he heard Shiro call his name.

“Keith! What are you doing over there? C’mon, it’s our turn to race!” Shiro was holding his helmet in one hand and waving his arms above his head like a beacon. 

Keith very clearly made eye contact with Shiro and then turned away from him demonstratively.

_ There we go. Now hopefully he’ll give up on me before he gets too attached. _

Keith bit the inside of his cheek and very carefully did not think about what might be happening behind his back until a hand touched his shoulder. 

Keith looked up under his long bangs to see Shiro standing there next to him, his face sporting a small frown that made Keith feel small. 

“Hey, will you come with me outside really quick?” He asked. It was the most tentative and least cheerful Keith had heard Shiro sound, which stunned him into nodding. 

Shiro didn’t say anything more, just lead him out of the track, through the equipment hall, up the stairs, and through the lobby until they made their way through the glass doors.

The whole way through, Keith felt his stomach start to churn. He tried his best to not think about the telling off that he was going to get from the person he admired most here. However, despite his best efforts, a few thoughts were too loud to quiet.

_ He’s going to tell me that he doesn’t want me around at anything anymore. _

_ I’ve upset him, I’ve wasted his time, and he’ll be angry at me. Or worse, he’ll cry. _

_ At least now he knows I’m worthless. _

When Shiro finally turned to face him, Keith made sure to cover as much of his face as possible with his bangs. He flicked his eyes up at Shiro to gauge what he was thinking, and from the pressed lips, steady downturned gaze, and slightly flattened eyebrows, Keith gathered that he was about to be lectured. 

But then Shiro opened his mouth. 

“Keith. Did I do something to upset you today? I, well, I’m really sorry if I did. If you tell me what it is I can fix it! I, just, if it was what I said before our first race about you being a space cadet, I didn’t mean to imply anything negative. I think you’re really capable and stuff!” 

Keith blinked at him in shock for a moment before he realized that Shiro was waiting for an answer. He held out a thumbs-up, then changed it to a thumbs-down, then a thumbs-up again, all the while Shiro’s hopeful face falling slightly. 

So, Keith got out his tiny travel notebook and began to scribble down a more coherent response. 

_ It wasn’t you, it’s just _ Keith hesitated, then erased “it’s just,” tapping the eraser end of his pencil on the notebook as he tried to come up with a plausible excuse. 

_ I was just distracted. _ He ended up finishing the sentence before handing it over to Shiro. 

Upon reading the question, Shiro nodded but bit his lip, handing back over the paper tentatively. 

“You promise me that’s all?” He said.

Keith nodded, thumbs-upping to show that he was serious in his assessment.

They ended up going back inside, but Keith’s times didn’t improve. Shiro was going a lot slower than normal too, but nobody brought it up.

When Keith and Shiro biked home, there was a sort of tense silence between them that didn’t fade for the rest of the day, leaving Keith off kilter and slightly nauseous.

_ I’ve fucked everything up. _

* * *

The next day Keith spent locked in his room. 

He’d had breakfast with Naoko as per usual, but instead of hanging out in the living room to read and wait for Shiro to wake up, he’d gone back upstairs. 

Keith didn’t want to face him after everything that had happened yesterday. Besides, it was better this way anyway. Keith was getting greedy. He didn’t need to keep thinking about that movie, he could just re-read the book series again and that would suffice well enough. 

Keith sat down on the carpet to look in his bag that he kept under the bed of all his most important possessions. He shoved a few things around in the bag but didn’t see the familiar purple and gold cover, so Keith layed out everything on the floor in an attempt to find them, a sinking feeling slowly building inside. 

Then he realized: they had been library books.

And people could say what they wanted about Keith Kogane, but he did not steal books from libraries. 

At this realization, Keith let out a particularly forceful huff of air, followed by an “Ugh.” 

Keith leaned back against the bedframe and let his head fall back against it. Staring up at the ceiling, he felt blank. There were no thoughts running through his head, leaving him bone-weary and bitterly hopeless. 

Everything was going wrong. It might not be too long before he got ejected from the Shiroganes’ house all together. 

Keith didn’t know how long he sat there until he heard a knock on his door. He lifted his head off of his bed frame to stare at the door, seeing nothing except its white blankness.

“Keith? It’s me.” It was Shiro. “I had something I wanted to show you on Mario Kart, I found a new shortcut in Moo Moo Meadows. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, but I’ll be downstairs if you wanna see it.” 

Keith strained his ears, hearing Shiro shuffle outside his door. In a moment, he spoke again.

“And I’m sorry about yesterday. I don’t know what happened, but I’m sorry.” 

Keith felt a flare of anger rise up in his chest, his eyebrows furrowing and his mouth screwing into a bitter frown. 

_ Why is Shiro apologizing? It’s not even his fault! I was the one who screwed everything up, not him. And he sounds sad? He should be angry at me for what I did. _

The anger was almost welcome in the stead of that empty numbness he’d been feeling, so Keith jumped onto the righteousness of it, standing up and running to the door to fling it open. 

Shiro was walking away, only halfway down the hall. Keith ran up to him and grabbed his sleeve to drag him back into Keith’s room.

He grabbed his whiteboard and pen and thought to himself as he began to write, _ I’m not pulling him into my mess. _

When he was done, he shoved the board at Shiro and sat back to watch his foster brother read the words he’d scribbled, barely legible in his hurry.

_ Why aren’t you angry at me you make no sense! I screwed up yesterday and I screwed you up yesterday so why are you still trying to hang out with me you should just go talk to Adam or something! I don’t need your pity nor do I want it. So if that’s what this is about then don’t bother. _

He watched Shiro’s expression change as he read the words, his head first slightly tilting in confusion with a small pinch in his eyebrows. Then, Shiro sighed, his features relaxing before drawing into a grimace, which widened until he lifted his gaze up to Keith.

“I feel like there’s something I’m missing here, Keith,” he said, his tone an almost concealed kind of frustrated. 

Keith glared at him, snatching the board back and scribbling, _ Stop trying to find out, it’ll make things easier in the long run. _

Shiro leaned over to read the words as they appeared, talking over him by the fifth word. “I don’t think I can, Keith!” Despite the incredulous look Keith shot him, Shiro continued talking. 

“I _ like _spending time with you, whether you believe it or not. And something’s obviously been wrong, so I want to help, especially if I caused the problem! Which I feel is the case here, by the way. Please tell me why that is a bad thing.” Shiro was so earnest that as he spoke, Keith’s anger began to ease into nothing. 

It started to seem very silly that all of this conflict had originated with Keith’s favorite book series being turned into movies. 

Shiro was looking at him with pleading eyes, still expecting an answer and a fight. Looking at him just made Keith tired. With the emotional whiplash setting in, Keith felt his natural indifferent mask rise to the surface.

He shrugged at Shiro, unconvincingly answering none of his inquiries, and fiddled with his pen, moving his gaze to how it twirled between his fingers. He couldn’t tell Shiro the reason for everything now, because it was stupid. 

“C’mon Keith, please?” Keith didn’t have to look up to know that Shiro was still making that same kicked puppy look. 

He flicked his gaze up anyway to see if he was right, and lo and behold! He was. 

Keith stopped twirling the pen and made a decision. He couldn’t deal with any of this right now.

_ Let’s just go so you can show me that Moo Moo Meadows shortcut. _ He wrote, neater this time, and shoved the board at Shiro before getting up and walking to the living room, not waiting for him to read the words. 

A small smile wiggled its way onto his face when he heard footsteps clamoring behind him to catch up. 

And when they sat down together, Shiro only looked at him weird once before starting up his running commentary about how to perfectly perform the shortcut. 

It was almost even normal.

* * *

That night, Keith lied in his bed and wondered why he had to fuck everything up. It was silly and it was stupid, and it was all easily avoidable. 

_ If only I hadn't been so selfish and greedy thinking about seeing that movie, _he scolded himself. 

But the other side of him, one that had been silent until now, lowly whispered. _ Why can’t I have what I want, though? I can tell Shiro I’m sorry tomorrow and to make it up to him, maybe we can go see the movie. He said just tonight that he likes hanging out with me. And Moo Moo Meadows was fun, especially after when we did another race on the Flower Cup. My favorite. _

Hope was a hard being to kill, and a harder being to stop listening to. Despite trying to push the idea down for his fear of Shiro saying no, fantasies of the best case scenario started to bloom in his mind. 

Keith didn’t go to the theatres often. It was a waste of his own money, of which he had a very limited amount. But he’d gone with Grams and Gramps, once every month to the Saturday matinees. It was this cool vintage place with red velvety seats and a screen so wide that Keith had never seen one bigger before or after. He could almost taste the buttery popcorn and the sour candies Grams insisted on buying him. He could see her smile at him and feel her gentle caress against his cheek when he came out the other side grinning and bouncing on his feet. The few times they indulged him in holding hands and swinging him up off the ground between them rose up to the surface too. The memories hurt to think about, and brought bittersweet tears to his eyes that he wiped away quickly. 

Torn but not in the mood to break down, Keith’s mental space quickly moved on to what it might be like to watch a movie with Shiro. 

_ Lots of popcorn, _ Keith deduced, _ with milk chocolate candies because Shiro’s a wimp. And I bet he’d make side commentary during the movie about the dumb decisions the characters make too. _

The thoughts stayed with him all night as he went to sleep, dreams of Shiro and Grams and Grams and himself all watching movies together and throwing handfuls of popcorn at each other, all while laughing. He’d never done anything like it before in real life, but there was a certain quality about the scene that made it feel real.

Keith felt positive when he awoke to his first alarm. While practicing his Kickass Technique, his dream lingering in the forefront of his mind, Keith ran over his options. He could do nothing about what had happened, or he could make it up to Shiro and see the movie he so desperately wanted to see. 

Keith’s positivity and the endorphins he finished his exercise with cinched the deal; hope had won him over. He would ask Shiro about the movie if it killed him. 

His breakfast with Naoko was faster than normal, Keith’s fingertips skittering over the countertop as she made his toast and wouldn’t let Keith leave until half the blueberries in the dish were gone. 

Committed to his solution, Keith bounded up the stairs straight to his whiteboard and started to write. He wondered about the best way to approach the situation, writing and erasing and writing again on his whiteboard. 

By the time he’d finished, it was ten o’clock, which was prime Shiro wake-up time. 

Keith tucked the board writing-side against his chest and ventured out to find Shiro and get his answer, not sparing a single thought to a negative outcome. 

Keith found Shiro sitting at the counter, being hounded by Naoko about the blueberries just like Keith had been. He watched their banter as he stood in the doorway, unnoticed, amused at Shiro’s whinging over four berries. 

Eventually, he rolled his eyes and walked into the kitchen, grabbing the last berries and stuffing them all into his mouth. After, he flashed a smile at Naoko and Shiro, who looked at him with wide eyes before bursting into laughter. 

Keith ducked behind his bangs, but still let himself smile, a small glow sinking into him. 

As soon as the laughter died down, Keith fiddled with his whiteboard nervously. This was the do or die moment. 

Naoko seemed to notice his shift in demeanour, and asked, “Did you have something you wanted to ask, Keith?” 

Gulping, now suddenly nervous with both sets of eyes on him, Keith walked over to the counter and plonked the whiteboard in front of Shiro. He’d read it a thousand times, but the words stared back at him in his best handwriting: _ Dear Shiro, I’m sorry about how things have gone the past couple of days. I would like to make it up to you by doing something special. Can we go see the new _ Boarding House is Boarding Ship _ movie together? It’s of my favorite book series, and after all the books you’ve shared with me I want to share this one with you too. Sincerely, Keith _

He only had to sit in silence for a moment before Shiro was sweeping Keith into a very startling hug. Keith, as a rule, didn’t get hugged very often. He liked his little emo, aloof persona that kept him safe, but having Shiro’s arms around him as he told Keith “Yes, of course! That sounds awesome Keith!” made Keith reconsider just for a moment. 

He lifted his arms back around Shiro and leaned in for a moment before making himself back away, not trying to hold in his brilliant smile this time. 

“That sounds like a great idea, Keith,” Naoko said, leaning over the countertop and giving the boys a contented smile. “I’ll give you some ticket vouchers, and Takashi? You can use the card for snacks.” 

Keith saw Shiro make a small fistpump underneath the counter at those words, but he said, “Thanks mom!” and Keith offered her a thumbs-up in support as well.

After a few minutes of bickering and a quick search, Naoko found a noon showing that would work perfectly for them to see it that day. 

When they bundled up to leave on Shiro’s bike, Keith heard Naoko call to Shiro, “Be careful with Keith on that bike, Takashi!” 

It made him feel warm inside to be cared about by her, but it was even more thrilling for Shiro to disregard her warning just a little bit as they raced down the empty streets over the speed limit.

* * *

The movie was amazing. Keith had no idea what to expect going into it, but when he’d come out he had about fifty different things he’d wanted to say to Shiro, who hadn’t held back in his quiet commentary about the movie (Keith had been right about his movie habits on all accounts). 

As soon as they hit the light of day again, Keith took to his notepad with a blaze, barely seeing past the next thing he wanted to say, not paying any mind to the astounded noises Shiro was making. 

When he was finally done, he’d thrusted the note at Shiro, who’d taken it and promptly squinted at it like he needed glasses.

“Keith, buddy, I really want to talk with you about this, but I can only read, like, half of it.” He looked to Keith with a smile. “Hopefully it’s all good things?” 

Keith nodded, still on a movie high, and added a double thumbs-up for good measure. He was sure the grin on his face really drove the point home, though. 

Shiro laughed, sharing the infectious joy with him. “Well it was a good movie! How about we discuss back at home when you have the whiteboard? It’s a little bigger, that’ll help both of us out, I think.” 

Keith didn’t want to wait, but when he took the note back he had to agree with Shiro, his penmanship left much to be desired. 

He nodded in return, still feeling light as they made their way back over to Shiro’s hoverbike. 

“How about a deal? Once we’re out on those roads nobody ever takes, then I’ll let you steer the bike. Y’know, as a thanks for waiting til we get home.” 

Keith spun around, an incredulous look on his face. Shiro couldn’t be serious, but the grin on his face said otherwise. 

Keith hadn’t wanted to hug someone more in ages, but instead nodded so hard he thought his head might fall off and strapped his helmet on, buzzing with excitement. 

The ride home and their subsequent conversation about every detail of the movie lasted until dinner, at which Keith noticed Naoko and Jin sharing small, soft smiles. 

* * *

“Keith.” Shiro’s voice made Keith look up from the whiteboard he was scribbling on, trying to capture his thoughts on the episode of NOVA they’d watched during dinner. It was three days post their movie adventure, and life had never been better, in Keith’s opinion. 

Shiro, who had been laying down on his bed with an arm thrown over his face, gesticulated into the air while explaining, “This is hecking annoying. I hate having to wait while you scribble out answers, and I’m sorry dude but your handwriting is _ awful _.” 

Keith felt a hint of offence at the slight and glared at Shiro. _ What do you want me to do about it? _He tried to convey with raised eyebrows and an eye roll.

Shiro’s only response was to huff and go back to staring at the ceiling, while Keith went back to writing on the whiteboard. 

-_ about binary systems was really cool! I mean not the part where they inevitably- _

“Keith!” Shiro interrupted again, sitting up sharply. “ASL! Why didn’t I think of this earlier Keith?! We need to learn ASL!” 

Keith drew a line across the middle of the board and scribbled, _ entire language, hard _ before showing it to Shiro and tapping on the relevant part.

He grimaced. “Okay, you’re right. But why should that stop us? You’re smart enough to do it, you understand all this space crap so I know you can do ASL. I think it’s a great idea. I mean, you could use it on missions in space too! Keith. This will be brilliant!”

As much as Keith wanted to be swept up in Shiro’s fantasy of them learning ASL, he knew it wasn’t going to be that easy. _ How? Teacher? Internet? We know nothing. _ He showed Shiro after erasing his previous message (but keeping the incomplete NOVA commentary above the line).

Shiro smirked at him. “I’ll just ask my mom. She knows some basic sign, and she’ll point us in the right direction.” 

Keith felt his face freeze up. He did not want Naoko involved. His mind raced: _ Will she even let us do it? I don’t want to be even more of a burden I am on the Shiroganes, especially after the movie. What if she thinks I want to talk and she makes me try to speak when she learns about this? _

_ Oh god, then I’ll refuse then she’ll know she made a mistake taking me in and she’ll tell Jin and they’ll send me away. They’ll send me away and I’ll never see Shiro again- _

_ I’ll never see Shiro and we’ll never hovercart race or play Mario or talk about space or go to karate and I won’t know about Adam and Matt or Natalie oh god, I actually care about this. _

_ I actually care about this, _ no_, I wasn’t supposed to _ care_! I can’t care because if it isn’t this it’ll be something else- _

Thoughts churning, his breathing too fast, everything seemed to fall away besides the sheets on Shiro’s bed tightening in his fists. 

“-eith?! Keith?! Are you okay? Oh goodness, can you hear me? Keith you need to breathe. Keith. Keith!” 

Shiro jolted him back to reality and he let go of the sheets quickly in shame. He searched for absolution in the pattern of Shiro’s comforter instead of looking up to his face. Shiro would surely be disappointed in him he thought, _ What the hell happened to me anyway? I have to stop being so stupid and weak or they really will send me away I'm probably still on thin ice after ignoring Shiro for two days. Besides, Shiro only wanted to give me a way to talk to him better, even if it does involve Naoko. But she hasn’t even been mean or anything yet. _

_ Exactly. Yet. She could take this too far, _He stopped his train of thought there, running his fingertips along the embroidery in Shiro’s comforter. 

“Keith?” Shiro’s voice was gentle now. He had not, the entire time, made a move to touch Keith. “Are you okay?” 

Keith offered a thumbs-up, but didn’t look up from his comforter study.

“I…” Laced with hesitancy, Shiro reached a hand out to Keith. It patted his knee softly twice before retracting. Keith looked up at him under his bangs. 

“I’m sorry, I went too far. We don’t have to learn ASL at all, it was just a random thought. Your handwriting is fine. Sorry.” 

Guilt flushed its way into Keith’s system, making him wish yet again he hadn’t been so stupid. He reached for the whiteboard slowly while he thought it over. 

_ Shiro doesn’t deserve me being ungrateful like this. He was trying to suggest something nice, and he's mentioned my crappy handwriting before. I should do this to make this easier for him._

He uncapped the pen slowly, and deliberately wrote out, _ No, I think we should. Learn ASL. You have to ask, though. _

“Are you sure? We really don’t have to.” Shiro’s voice was still doing that thing where it was too soft, too patient like he was talking to a five-year-old. Keith hated that tone, because too many adults used it with him after learning he didn’t speak, like they thought it made him stupid or something. 

His resolution strengthened and he tapped the lower half of the board again with more certainty. Keith met Shiro’s eyes and finished it off with a decisive nod. 

Shiro’s face broke into a small, shy smile, and Keith thought that the risk might just have been worth it. 

Two days later, ASL lessons were added to Shiro and Keith’s daily schedule in the mid afternoons. Oddly enough, Keith didn’t hate it, especially because they got to ride Shiro’s hoverbike to and from lessons, and if he did really well Shiro would let him steer the handlebars on the way back. In addition, Naoko never mentioned a word to him about speaking out loud, only encouraging sign by using it when she spoke aloud to either Keith or Shiro. All of the possible risk around her slowly continued to deflate until there was very little of it left at all. 

It quickly became a part of life at the Shirogane household to sign and speak at the same time. Shiro even passed on some of the basics to his friends so that they could communicate with Keith if need be. 

Sometimes, while lying in bed thinking about it, the center of Keith’s chest would burn with it, and he might have even cried upon an occasion or two. Just thinking that Shiro took up a whole new language just to talk to him better made something inside him break but also melt back together. It felt like warmth and weak knees, sunny days and the wind around him while riding Shiro’s hoverbike. 

It made him feel wanted. And that was something that Keith could barely wrap his mind around, sometimes, so he did all he could to let Shiro know that he appreciated that. Small smiles, rolled eyes, Through the Wormhole discussions, hanging out with Shiro’s friends, trying his hardest in karate practice… Keith conveyed his appreciation in the best way he knew how. 

And he never, ever wanted it to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Folks. I apologize for the wait and that it's not Friday but I didn't even beta this. I felt you deserved to read this asap for waiting so long!!! therefore, if there's any mistakes feel free to come at me. I'm here to listen :)
> 
> Hope you lave a lovely rest of your day!!!
> 
> <3
> 
> _Description of Keith's Panicking Instances: At the hovercart track, Keith refuses to communicate with Shiro and thinks about how he screwed up over the next couple sections. This involves shutting himself away in his room and choosing to feel numb. Then, in the last section of the chapter, while discussing ASL Keith's breath speeds up and he gets lost in his head, but Shiro quickly calms him down before he gets too far down that road. Let me know if you want/need more details!!_


	6. yellow lines and tire marks, sun-kissed skin and handlebars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dun dun dun... Keith gets too into his head and makes a bad decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from [Once Upon Another Time ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWUacc3514c) by Sara Bareilles
> 
> (also yeah that's not the studio version but it's my favorite version of the song so thERE)

One day after dinner, almost two months through the summer, Naoko came to knock on Keith’s open door. 

He looked up from his book, a little startled by her presence. She smiled at him gently and quickly he waved at her to give her “permission” to enter. 

Upon entering his room, she asked to sit in his desk chair, and after he said yes, dropped down into it. 

“Keith,” she said, “I’m very happy that it looks like you’ve settled in here at our house. It’s been a pleasure having you here with us.” 

A sense of foreboding took Keith over at her words. He could sense a “but” coming next. 

“I only have one suggestion. It is totally fine if you say no, there will be zero consequences. This is just something to think about, okay? I promise, regardless of your answer, nothing will change.” She paused, looking intently into his eyes. 

It made Keith feel uncomfortable, like she could see all of his secrets. He looked away. 

Thankfully, Naoko was pleased with whatever she’d seen, and she continued to talk. 

“I wanted to offer to you the chance to talk to someone. Or sign, or write. Whatever you’re comfortable with. I think you might benefit from it.”

_ Oh God, no. She  _ does  _ think I’m weak. This is bad. _

“And, there’s no shame in talking to a professional. I did it for a couple of years, actually, right after Shiro was born.” 

Keith looked back up at her in surprise at that revelation. He never expected Naoko of all people, a therapist herself, to go to therapy. 

“I was concerned because I wanted to tell Jin that although he is my soulmate, I am bisexual. Before I met him, I was in love with a woman named Clara. If I did not have Jin’s voice inside my head, I probably would have ended up spending my life with her.” Naoko was smiling, but it wasn’t sad or wistful. She had distance from the event and was impartially reflecting. 

Keith just stared at her. Naoko was willingly sharing this with him? It felt like a dream. 

“What I mean to say is that the offer is open, Keith. Any time you’d like to take me up on it, feel free. And if you care to decline, we don’t have to mention this again. Okay?” 

Keith offered her a thumbs-up, still a little shocked. But she smiled at him softly and got up, leaving him to his thoughts. 

He just sat there for a moment, watching the stillness of the doorway after Naoko’s figure left it. He didn’t know why she would tell him that about herself, and then why she’d offer it to him.

The longer he sat there, thinking about it, the worse it seemed. It was fine for Naoko to go to therapy over an issue in her life, especially about her identity and how somebody else was going to take learning that information about her. Keith valued soulmates, probably even more than the average person considering the Soulmate Search, and it made sense to him that Naoko might encounter turmoil over something related to that. 

But Keith didn’t need anyone talking about his soulmate. He knew he didn’t have one and he never would. 

_ But Naoko has no idea about my freaky no soulvoice thing. So why does she want me to go to therapy?  _

It only took a minute before it dawned on Keith, sending horror down his spine in a cold rush. 

_ They want to make me speak.  _

Keith had been here before. A family thought they could fix him and shoved him in some state-funded clinic where the doctors only did the least amount of work possible. His sessions would pass in silence, and the doctors would ask increasingly uncomfortable questions about why he wouldn’t talk even though he was physically able until he burst and punched something (or someone) and he got moved for behavioral issues… again. 

Fear suddenly gripped his chest, wrapping itself around his lungs and making it hard to breathe. Everyone had been so nice here. Shiro was the biggest blessing that he could have imagined, Naoko had seemed so willing to let him be, and Jin mostly left him alone. Shiro’s friends were nice, people at Shiro’s dojo were nice, and Keith didn’t want to ruin it with his dumb anger issues.

As his brain sank slowly into panic mode, imagining worse and worse scenarios by the minute, Keith realized didn’t want any of that. The Shiroganes’ niceties must have been a deception. It was a lie. Evidently, he’d done something to prove to them that he was unlovable, unchangeable, just a no hope, no prospects freak that nobody could ever care about. 

Shiro, Naoko, Jin, they’d all leave him, just like everyone else in his life. 

Just like his mom, that he never met, and his dad, that never came back. Just like Grams who sent him away and Gramps who died. 

Shiro’s family was too good for him, and as much as he wished that he could stay with them, now he knew it wouldn’t last.

So he had to leave them first. 

That night, Keith gathered up the essentials of what he needed. He knew what he could live with and what he didn’t need. Unfortunately, there were some items that the Shiroganes had given him that he felt too bad taking without their permission, so he left some things he’d wanted to take. 

For other things, though, it didn’t matter. He couldn’t stand leaving his karate belt in its garish white glow; that he had earned through hard work at the studio and he wasn’t about to give it up. It, along with a few other things, made its way into his bag. 

_ How am I going to get out of here?  _ He thought in his panic, struggling to zip the last part of his duffel closed. 

As the zipper satisfyingly met its track end, an idea popped into Keith’s head:  _ I’ll just take Shiro’s bike.  _

Upon that decision, he nodded and swiped at his cheeks that were suspiciously wet. He felt anger at himself sweep though his being, intense and hot in the worst way. 

_ Why and I so stupid and weak?  _ He screamed at himself. 

_ Why did I ever think I could stay? I know what I’m worth.  _

His heart ached at the thought. He remembered Shiro’s smile at him when Keith had beaten his time on the hovercart track, the way Shiro’s friends had invited him to play Super Smash Bros on the old Wii Shiro loved with a passion, Naoko’s smile at him when he kept Shiro’s karate uniform and how she hadn’t said a word to them about ASL, only beginning to sign while she talked. 

He shoved the train of thought away.  _ I’m not good enough to keep them.  _

Then he shut off his internal monologue and hiked the bag onto his shoulder. 

The tears stopped, and his emotions funneled down into a base determination that had gotten Keith through everything before. He remembered the black eye he’d sported coming into the Shirogane household and reached up to touch the skin that was no longer bruised. 

He was Keith Akira Kogane, and he would do this for the good of everyone. 

He snuck downstairs and checked one last time that he had the $200 that he always tried to keep around for emergencies. Upon feeling the money in his pocket, Keith went into the garage and eased Shiro’s bike out of the side door to go out through the back gate. 

It wasn’t optimal, but opening the garage was a no-no. The noise would definitely wake somebody up, and Keith did not want to have to face any of the Shiroganes in the middle of this. 

As the gate creaked open, so did a part of his heart. It ached, but he heard no voice telling him not to leave. It always came down to this. It was time to move on. 

And so Keith swung one leg over the seat, turned the engine on, and started to make his way down the road, bathed in the yellow light of the streetlamps with a blank mind and an ache behind his ribs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all!! I'm sorry it took so long but   
a) the holidays hecked me up  
b) i really wasn't sure about this chapter. still don't know how i feel about it, so PLEASE let me know how you think it went!!! 
> 
> I'm going to try to update again this week on Friday to make up for it <3 love yall and have a lovely rest of your day :)


	7. so alone, never knew how much I didn't know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith eats a Blizzard® and makes a deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from [Uncharted](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ng-085j1WM0) by Sara Bareilles

_ How utterly stupid.  _ Keith thought, sitting on the curb with the hoverbike sitting next to him. 

He had not even made it out of town before the bike’s garish blue glow started to diminish and it had slowly lost speed until it came to a halt. When Keith tried to push its power button, the remaining blue light winked out completely and he had to scramble off, the stabilizers not keeping the bike upright any longer.

Keith’s mind went back to taking the bike out of the garage and he didn't know if he wanted to groan, scream, or sob. 

It hadn’t been plugged in like it was supposed to. Shiro had forgotten to charge it, and he’d been driving it out and about all day.

There was no way Keith was just going to leave the bike here, but at the same time he had to keep going. He had to be out of town before the Shiroganes went out looking for him, before they called Ms. Keene and CPS got involved. 

His mind made up about the matter, Keith decided to push the bike as far as he could. He got behind it and started to make it slide forward. The experience was akin to pushing a very heavy cart, due to the hover repulsors not having any more power to keep it off the ground. 

A traitorous voice in the back of his head whispered,  _ But you could go back to the Shiroganes’, they don’t know you’re gone yet.  _

_ I can’t.  _ He told it.  _ I already just left.  _ Keith tried to keep the emotions bubbling beneath the surface tucked away but a slight hint of despair made itself known. 

He wanted to keep himself distracted from the hard work of pushing the bike down the street, but he didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts either. In a compromise to himself, Keith went over moves and routines from his Kickass Technique.

He pushed the bike through the residential streets until the lights grew brighter. Curious, he stopped for a moment and looked to his left. There was a parking lot for a little strip mall. Most of the stores were empty and shut down, except for one. 

It was that vintage 24-hour fast food place, Dairy Queen. Keith remembered that Shiro promised to take him after he shaved another full second off his time on the hovercart track and frowned. He’d never get to eat a “Blizzard” there like he’d been promised. 

Keith bit his lip that started to wobble and closed his eyes for a moment.

_ But you could have a “Blizzard” if you wanted one.  _ Technically, it was the truth. Keith had money, and he was starting to get tired. 

_ Weak.  _ The thought stung, but he pushed it away. He was still going to leave, this didn’t change anything. It just meant he was sentimental enough to do this last thing to say goodbye. It wasn’t even that selfish, it wasn’t like he’d tried to drag Shiro into coming with him. That would have been crossing the line.

And even if Keith had never gotten that full second off of his time on the track, he figured that the occasion was as close as he was going to get. 

His mind now set, he maneuvered the bike up the ramp that let cars into the parking lot and pushed the hoverbike into the designated bike area. Taking the key out of their little compartment, he thought  _ Not like anyone’s gonna steal a dead bike anyway.  _ However, it was the principle of the matter– the bike wasn’t  _ his _ , after all. 

Keith turned to approach the Dairy Queen, looking through the windows at the patronage. There was a woman in an olive green jacket with a fur-trimmed hood who looked like she was trying to find the answers of the universe in her cup of coffee, a boy and a girl in their mid-twenties sitting at a table sharing a basket of fries, and a teenager with brown hair sitting in a window seat who was looking in the opposite direction of Keith.

Seemed pretty normal for this time of night, so Keith kept walking toward the building. 

The the teenager with brown hair turned his head to look out the window. His glasses-rimmed gaze caught Keith’s eye, and Keith’s stomach immediately sank into the ground.

There, sitting in the Dairy Queen booth past midnight, was Shiro’s best friend: Adam Wheeler. 

Keith hesitated there for a moment, their eyes locked and obvious recognition clocking in on Adam’s face. But he couldn’t bring himself to turn away. He wanted his cheap ice cream, he was tired, and the bike was dead, so it wasn’t like he had anywhere else to go.

Keith entered the Dairy Queen, pursing his lips and rolling his eyes slightly at the ridiculousness of the situation. There was no line at the cash register, and after the girl at the register asked him what he wanted, he held up a finger to get his notebook and pen out. 

He handed her his order once he’d scribbled it down with some ones, and she gave him back the change. Then, Keith turned around to go lean against the countertops across the aisle to wait for her to prepare his Oreo Blizzard, and Adam was there, sipping his soda and a curious look on his face. 

“Hey Keith,” he said. “Didn’t expect to see you here tonight.” 

Keith gave him a glare and busied himself with a condiment cup he’d snagged off the countertop. 

Adam’s soda slurping, the ice cream machine whirring, and the chatter of the couple in the corner were the only sounds Keith could hear. 

The minute crept by slowly, like ice forming over a lake. It was shattered by the girl finally finishing Keith’s Blizzard, clunking it on the counter and giving him a look. 

Keith came up to her, nodded, grabbed his cup, and turned to face Adam, who was tilting his head curiously. 

“Will you sit with me for a bit?” He asked, biting his lower lip.

Keith considered this for a minute, but ultimately decided that if it came down to it, he might be able to beat Adam in a fight, or at least break his glasses and run away before anything bad could happen. He nodded again to show his assent, and followed Adam back to his table at the window.

He ate his Blizzard in silence, Adam finishing his fries and half his drink. They didn’t make eye contact, and Keith didn’t relax into the chair he was sitting on the entire time.

After he was done with his last fry, Adam finally looked at him. There was nothing calculating in his gaze, only a soft upturn at one side of his mouth, his bangs falling over his eyes a little. 

“Where are you going to go after this?” It was said gently, and it wasn’t the question Keith had expected to come out of his mouth.

Adam, reading the taken aback look on his face, pressed onward. “You wouldn’t have stopped here unless you couldn’t go any farther or you decided to go back to the Shiroganes’.” It was a fact, and Keith could feel his defences rising. 

“So,” Adam continued to prod, “which is it?” His hands were on the table, non-threatening but emanating the therapist he’d been trying so hard to escape. 

His pad, still out from his interaction with the cashier, got  _ It’s none of your business  _ scrawled onto it before he pushed it over to Adam. 

Adam looked down at it and raised an eyebrow. “I think it’s kind of my business now, because you’re sitting across from me in a Dairy Queen at,” he checked his phone, “1:38 am.” 

Keith took back his notebook and wrote  _ You mean you decided that it’s your business. You could just let me leave and pretend like this never happened.  _ He knew that Adam wasn’t going to do that; the moment that Adam saw him through the Dairy Queen window he was screwed. It would have looked worse if he’d run away, so he’d sat down and now Keith was stuck here. 

Adam read his words and sighed. “You still didn’t answer me, you know. About where you’re planning on going after this?” 

Keith looked at him as he slowly pushed the notepad back across the table. Adam’s brown hair was messy, his glasses slightly crooked, and there were bags under his eyes. 

_ I’ll answer your question if you answer mine.  _ He scrawled.

Adam huffed out a laugh, reading Keith’s writing upside down. He seemed amused, a wry smile taking over his mouth. 

“And you’ll probably want me to go first to get insurance on your deal, right? Don’t bother answering that and just ask.” 

Keith, not entirely sure exactly what he was going to ask yet, stuck the end of the pen he was holding in his mouth, chewing the end ever-so-slightly. He had free reign, he could ask anything...

_ Why do you care what happens to me? _ He wrote eventually. If nothing else, he would know if Adam would let him leave in one piece or not.

Upon reading the question, Adam sighed. He pursed his lips in thought briefly before answering slowly. “Shiro is my best friend. I know you've only been here for like, a month and a half, but he really enjoys hanging out with you. I care about what happens to you because I care about what happens to Shiro. And if you leave, he's going to be upset. He’ll blame himself, and I will have to pick up the pieces.” Adam glared at him for the first time tonight, righteous anger coming through, but controlled and contained in a way that Keith could tell Adam meant business. “I don’t want to have to make sure my best friend is okay when he should be happy.” 

Upon hearing this reasoning, Keith finally allowed himself to relax. 

_ Good, Adam just wants Shiro to be alright. _ He was used to people not caring about him so much, and Adam was the first person here who actually made sense.  _ Thank goodness he isn’t babying me about it too. _ Keith appreciated a guy who was straight up. 

Keith nodded in response, and scribbled,  _ So you still want me to answer the same question? _

When Adam replied in the affirmative, Keith got to writing. 

_ I don’t know. I’m going to get the hell out of here, that much I know. I can’t stay any longer. I stole Shiro’s bike, but it’s dead now. You figure out the rest. _

Adam was displeased at this answer. “But why can’t you stay, Keith? Can’t you see that anything you're going to face out there is worse than staying here?”

_ Nothing _ , he thought,  _ could be worse than seeing the Shiroganes, who care so much, slowly turn against me and foist me out of their house like everyone else before. _ Keith shook his head.

“Right, trust issues,” Adam chided himself. “Keith,” he tried again, “I’ll sit with you here for as long as you want tonight, but I'm not going to let you go until you answer one more question for me. And since we've established that I’m a man of my word, I'll also let you ask one more question of me. But, only after you answer my question first. I’ll provide food if you get hungry.” 

Keith raised his eyebrows and tilted his head to the side a little bit to convey  _ What's the question?  _

Adam cleared his throat. “Mind if I write it down?” He asked, flicking his gaze over to the couple who had finished their fries, and now seemed to be staring at them a little too intently.

Keith just pushed over his notepad and pencil, and watched Adam write haltingly on the paper. When he slid the pad back to Keith, on a new page he'd written  _ What would convince you to go back to the Shiroganes’ place tonight if it meant that anytime you wanted to run away, you’d talk to me first? _

Keith read the note, looked up at Adam, then read the note again. Blinking thrice, he pressed his lips together and reached for his pencil. 

Haltingly, he wrote  _ That seems like a lot of trouble for a kid you don’t even know.  _ His fingers trembled, making the letters shaky.  _ Besides, I don’t have a phone.  _

Adam rolled his eyes. “Fine then, you can use Naoko’s office computer and send me messages. But you’d have to talk to me.” He tapped the note. “So, terms and conditions?” 

Keith hesitated, thinking it over in his mind. He only had his emergency money, and roughing it in the gutters of the desert wouldn’t be fun to do for more than two weeks. He was too far away to go back to anyone he’d known before, and nobody besides Grams had really cared about him in ages, anyway. 

The determination that had so fiercely lit his chest even moments ago faded away, leaving Keith tired and, as much as he hated to admit it, scared. 

Adam sighed, and it brought Keith back into reality. Keith watched as he took a sip of his soda, then started to talk, staring out the window all the while.

“I see your hesitance, so I want to tell you a story. Just in advance, I’m awful at telling stories, and this one isn’t even fun or anything so you’ll just have to cut me some slack.” The change in topic was so jarring that Keith wasn’t sure what was happening. 

Story time in the middle of their serious chat was not what he was here for. It made Keith wonder if Adam would notice if he slipped away, but then he started to talk. 

“Anyway, you aren’t the Shiroganes’ first foster kid.” That was enough to grab Keith’s attention. He knew they weren’t new to the game, nobody would have taken Keith in as their first kid, but the way Adam said it left him curious to hear more. The thoughts of running again slipped away. 

“They’ve had one more before you. His name is Tyler and he goes to college out of state. Shiro calls him every Sunday at ten am without fail.” Keith couldn’t say he’d noticed before that was the case, but Shiro did tend to come out of his room quite late on weekends. He leaned on an elbow toward Adam, who was still staring out the window. 

“But, when he got to the Shiroganes’ place, he was seventeen, about to age out of the system. He thought nobody wanted him, and that he’d just get kicked out on his birthday no matter where he went, but that didn’t happen. Tyler got officially adopted by Naoko and Jin on his eighteenth birthday, and they pay for half of his college tuition.” Adam looked back at him, his eyes serious. 

“It’s his picture on the fridge and on Naoko’s desk and in the upstairs hall. The only reason you haven’t met him is because he’s taking summer classes and Naoko didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. But you need to know: the Shiroganges don’t throw people out. They work with you, on you, until you’re better.” 

Adam grimaced. “They did for me, too.” 

Keith was curious to hear more about Adam’s story, but he shoved it aside to turn over the new information he’d just received in his head. 

_ Maybe you can stay,  _ he found himself thinking over and over, the thought starting out as a whisper before growing louder and louder with each repetition. 

Keith bent his head down to let more hair shield his face. It felt only slightly less impossible than it had ten minutes ago. He knew he still wasn’t good enough to have the Shiroganes. 

But by God, he wanted them. 

“They’re steadfast, caring, and loyal. They’re more like parents to me than my own parents at this point. I feel more at home in their house than in either of my parents’.” Adam continued to bombard him with his experiences, and Keith wanted everything he described. 

The ache built up in him slowly, until it all culminated into a single thought.

_ If I lose them, then they also lose me.  _

It wasn’t news to him that he was selfish, and he wanted Shiro to miss him, to invite him into doing more things with him, he wanted Naoko to write funny options into their breakfast chart that he pretended to entertain the thought of and Jin to maybe someday cut his hair. He liked his room with the neutral colors and the splashes of red he’d built into it, the stack of books to read that he’d never gotten the chance to finish, and playing Wii. 

Keith lifted his head and looked right into Adam’s eyes. Their expressions held serious for a moment before Keith gave him a single, sharp nod. 

Adam would take him back home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) 
> 
> Feel free to let me know what you think and have a lovely weekend!!!!! <3


	8. tell me if it's make or breaking this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith arrives back at the Shiroganes' house with Adam... will he get away with his nighttime excursion or is he about to get found out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to [DriftingFandomTrash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DriftingFandomTrash/pseuds/DriftingFandomTrash) because of their extreme kindness in checking in on me and this fic. DriftingFandomTrash-- people like you are why fanfic authors do what they do!!! I appreciate you more than you know :) <3
> 
> Chapter title from [Love Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qi7Yh16dA0w) by Sara Bareillis.

There was little fanfare to the event of Keith plopping Shiro’s bike back into its holder with Adam’s help. 

He looked up at the older boy as he dusted off his hands. Adam smiled at Keith wryly and whispered, “Now to smuggle you back into the house.” 

It was 3:49. After Keith had agreed to Adam’s terms and told him he’d redeem his free question at a later date, they’d dumped Shiro’s bike into Adam’s trunk and he’d driven them back to the Shiroganes’, leading them to this moment; standing on the step below the garage door. 

Keith knew they’d have to be careful. Naoko was a very light sleeper and he absolutely did not want to wake her up this late at night. Thankfully, he knew that he and Adam could sneak in the same way that Keith had come out earlier that night. 

As they were already in the garage, Keith and Adam crept over to the door that led into the house and Keith reached for the handle, beginning to turn it slowly and quietly. He eased the door open and let go of the handle after unwinding it. 

Adam nodded to him and slipped past him into the living room. Keith turned around to shut the door noiselessly, but when he turned around, Adam was still standing in the same place he’d been. 

Keith snapped quietly to get Adam’s attention, curious as to why he wasn’t moving. Adam’s face slowly turned to meet him, his mouth set in a grim line as his hand lifted to point to the hallway leading to the kitchen. 

Confused, Keith looked down the hallway, which was empty except for a small square of light coming from the kitchen. He made a face at Adam, meaning _ What are you talking about? _

Adam sighed, and said lowly, “The light’s on.” 

And Keith’s face dropped. The Shiroganes never left lights on, and Keith knew that none of them had been on when he’d left. 

Someone was awake. 

Keith felt himself deflate. He’d wanted to come back so badly, but this was the last straw for him. If it was Jin or Naoko up, he’d get yelled at for sure. They would want him to leave.

And he’d get Adam in trouble. 

As much as Keith didn’t want to care, Adam had been actually decent to him. It would not be fair of him to get Adam into any trouble with Shiro’s parents, especially because it seemed like he placed a lot of value on the Shirogane family as a sanctuary. Keith knew what losing people like that felt like, and he wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy. 

Turning to face Adam, Keith gestured toward the garage door. “Go,” he mouthed, and then signed it by pointing both of his pointer fingers away from his chest. 

Adam unfortunately didn’t agree with Keith, because he shook his head and whispered, “No can do, man. We’re in this one together.” Then, he gestured for Keith to follow him and started to make his way down the hall. 

Keith’s hands clenched themselves into fists. _ No! This is not what should be happening! _ He wanted to scream, but there was no way he could. Keith bit his tongue, hard, and then defeatedly dragged himself behind Adam. He couldn’t let Shiro’s best friend take the fall without him. He wasn’t that much of a coward, at least. 

They turned the corner to see Naoko’s back as she sat stiff as a board on one of the wooden stools at the kitchen counter. Keith could see her stony face and clenched fists in the reflection of the glass window above the sink across from where she sat. He gulped in fear, wishing he could turn around and go back in time. 

_ I should have kept walking past that Dairy Queen, _he scolded himself.

Naoko spun around immediately upon hearing their shuffling footsteps and slid off the chair onto her feet, her facial expression shattering almost immediately from hardness into softness. 

The change was so startling to Keith that he froze as she approached the two of them and spread out her arms to gather them into a hug. 

Keith had not been hugged in a long time. The softness of Naoko’s pajama top and the careful warmth of her left arm around him made Keith stiffen up at first, but he relaxed into it carefully when she started to speak breathily.

“You two. I’m so glad you’re safe and okay. I was very very worried when I saw you were gone, Keith. Thank you, Adam, for bringing him home. Thank you for coming back.” 

The words were… The words were not what Keith was expecting. They were kind of, well, nice. 

_ She doesn’t seem mad? _He questioned, going over the scene again in his mind.

Naoko’s arms tightened around them.

_ She’s not mad. _His brain confirmed. 

After another minute, Naoko seemed to have composed herself a little bit and she pulled away to look over each of them. She nodded as she finished, as if to reassure herself that they were unharmed. 

Keith scuffed one shoe against the ground and looked down. The care in her face was unusually apparent, and Keith felt uncomfortable under the weight of it. 

“Where were you?” She asked, and Keith burned with shame.

Adam cleared his throat. “Um. Well. First off, we’re sorry we worried you, Naoko. We didn’t mean to, really.” Keith knew Adam was going to try and mitigate Keith’s part in the whole endeavor, and Keith couldn’t let him do it. 

He snapped his head up and waved at Naoko, frantically starting to sign, “_ went to a restaurant and saw Adam; we talked. He brought me home. My choice. My mess. He helped; not his bad choice._” He knew that his sign vocabulary wasn’t super big, but he hoped that it would be enough to get his point across. 

“You met Adam at a restaurant?” Naoko raised an eyebrow. “How did you two get in contact?” 

Adam chuckled nervously. “We didn’t plan to see each other. I just happened to run into him at the local DQ, no big.” At that, he gave an almost casual shrug with a sheepish smile. 

_ Good, _ Keith thought. _ He’s starting to let me take the blame. _

“The Dairy Queen is across town,” Naoko said, but Keith could tell that she really meant “How the hell did you get all the way over there from our house?” and so Keith made to answer, but Adam was already talking. 

“Oh. Haha, I guess it is. Funny story, that…” Adam reached up and back to scratch at his neck, and Keith felt so guilty that he snapped his fingers to get everyone’s attention.

“_I__ used Shiro’s bike,_” he admitted, and let his gaze fall away from Naoko’s face, which he knew would be angry at him for stealing her son’s nice hoverbike to take for a spin. 

“Keith,” she said, and yup. He could hear the notes of aggravation in her voice. He resigned himself slowly to Ms. Keene coming to get him as soon as the weekend was over and going back to a shitty group home with boys and caretakers that did not care for him in the slightest.

“Keith,” she repeated, and this time her voice had an odd tone to it, making Keith look up through his bangs at her. “That’s really, really unsafe. You don’t know how to ride a hoverbike alone like that. You could have crashed. You told no one where you were going, left no note, and did not ask for permission. I’m really disappointed and, frankly, astonished that you did not get hurt.” 

Keith felt like he could sink into the floor. Somehow, the slightly distorted tone and calmly said words hurt him more than her screaming at him ever could have. He bit his lip and turned his gaze back to the ground, shame burning low in his belly. 

Naoko sighed. “We need to talk more about this, but I’m exhausted. I’ve been waiting up since two to see if you would get home after seeing your door was open and searching around the house trying to find you, Keith. Let’s get some rest and we’ll talk again in the morning. Adam, you can sleep in our guest room.” 

“Yes, Naoko,” Adam said, cowed by her displeasure evident in her words. 

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad both of you are alright. But I’m not happy that things came to this, and I feel like there’s a larger conversation here than we have the space for tonight. Good night boys. Don’t try to go out again tonight, or I will know.” 

And so, feeling like the lowest type of criminal, Keith sank back into his room. When the door behind him finally came to its close, he sat on the floor and put his head in his hands. 

_ What was I thinking? _He asked himself. 

_ This is all so stupid. I’m so stupid. I don’t know why Naoko didn’t just yell at me, I deserved it for sure. What’s she even going to do tomorrow? I have no punishment, no idea of what she’ll do. I just hope she won’t call Ms. Keene, even though it’s what she should do. I’m no good for this family. I was the reason she was up worrying… and what’s Jin going to think? What’s Shiro going to? _

Keith let fists form, gripping his hair and then tugging at it firmly to ground himself in something. 

_ She’ll probably make me try and talk for sure now, _ Keith realized, and felt himself sink down even lower. _ I’ll have to go to therapy. _

Keith felt his breath stutter in his chest. Therapy felt like the end of the world. Inevitable. Looming. Terrifying. He couldn’t breathe. He didn’t _ want _to breathe, if it would get him out of this hole he’d trapped himself in. 

He felt his lungs working but to no avail, and let out a slow whine that grew in volume until he bit his lip so he wouldn’t be too loud. Starting to feel his heartbeat in his ears, Keith's struggle made a tinge of worry grow. He pulled at his hair again, hard enough to make himself gasp loudly in the quiet to force himself to breathe again. 

He gulped down air, heaving in and out and in and out for a minute or two, his mind spinning but carefully blank. 

When his heartbeat had calmed down a bit, Keith threw his shoes off as quickly and quietly as possible and lay down on his bed. Shoving everything he was feeling behind his large, airtight internal door, Keith let himself float away from his body and shut himself down, forcing sleep to come. 

He was in no shape to continue thinking about any of this. He could put it off until tomorrow. After all, whatever came would be no worse than what he’d already been through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all!! long time no see... 😬😅 i took a little Voltron vacation for a Star Wars Big Bang lol so that's why you didn't see me for six months. but!!! fear not, for even if this fic goes onto the backburner, that does NOT mean that i have abandoned it. it's been like almost 4 years since i came up with this idea and it hasn't gotten old yet, so take from that what you will. 
> 
> i hope all of you are doing well in these times of covid!!! please stay safe and limit going out to public places and wear your masks <3 <3 <3 especially!!!! if you live in the US!!!!! okay okay, psa over :)
> 
> anyhow, please feel free to tell me what you think/chat in the comments!! i've missed all of you and i hope that you're still sticking around to see the rest of this <3 i'll see you all sooner rather than later, i promise!!


	9. i would(n't) need a second chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith finally talks to Naoko, and I am not dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from [Bright Lights and Cityscapes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJycDeZqtdc) by Sarah Bareilles.

Keith woke up when the light was barely creeping through his window, way before any of his alarms went off. He sat in bed, staring at the ceiling and not thinking anything under the blanket of disquiet that surrounded him. He lay there, watching the shadows as they receded from the walls in the wake of the sun, and only comparing their disappearing presence to his own in the Shiroganes’ house a little. 

When he couldn’t sit still any longer, Keith swung his legs over the edge of the bed, pushed his way up, and listlessly made his way downstairs. He thought he would be the first person up, but upon entering the kitchen, he saw Naoko there, already sipping her tea. 

Cautiously, he made his way over to her. Keith wasn’t sure how things were going to change between them because of last night, and he really didn’t want to find out. Keith knew he’d had his reputation and file handed over by Ms. Keene to Naoko and Jin without kid gloves, but he hadn’t been exhibiting too many of those behaviors here. Or, at least he hadn’t been until last night. 

It was because of Shiro, really. Keith cursed himself for being so weak that he started to lean on somebody again, and that he let Shiro lean on him a bit too. Their friendliness was just going to make it that much harder for Keith to leave. 

Naoko looked at Keith and slid over the breakfast menu of the day to him. So far nothing was different.

Keith looked down at the menu and waited for a minute for her to say something, but she was silent. Grimacing, he tapped the toast and slid it back to her. 

Naoko’s footfalls echoed through against the tile and sleek wood, followed by the crinkle of the bread bag and the whine-and-click of the toaster springs. Keith walked around the counter and hopped up onto one of the many stools that lined the counter. He watched her through his bangs, leaning onto the counter with an elbow and a faked casual air. 

When the toast sprung up, Naoko handed it to him on a plate with the butter and his favorite jam. Keith’s heart constricted, and not being able to stop himself, he looked up at her, vulnerable and astonished at her thoughtfulness even now. 

Even though he didn’t say a word, even though he never would have, Naoko still saw something in his eyes. 

“Keith,” she said, her eyebrows barely tilted up but the corners of her mouth pinched in concern. “I’m not going to yell at you. I was just very scared last night when I found you were gone. I thought something horrible had happened. I apologize if I handled things in a way that made you uncomfortable. We can talk, or, I mean, write, through things soon; I can go wake up Adam if you’d like?”

Keith shook his head frantically, signing  _ “No, no,” _ with his right hand and then making a grabby hand with his left for a moment before signing,  _ “white board?” _ and raising his eyebrows. 

Naoko passed him the board and a marker without a word, and Keith began to scribble,  _ No Adam, isn’t his fault — I don’t need him to take blame. He found me by accident and then took me back; helpful. Nice.  _

Naoko read over his words and looked back up at him. “Okay, that makes sense.” She busied herself with her tea for a moment, taking a sip and humming around it before setting it back down.

“Let’s set the restaurant part of things down for a moment, then,” she said, surprising Keith yet again. “I don’t want to waste our time here. Why did you leave, Keith?” 

The lack of judgement in her tone left Keith feeling off-balance. His reasons, which had been so clear and certain last night, now seemed more flimsy than he was willing to say.

Regardless, Naoko deserved the truth. She wouldn’t take Keith’s lies, and he respected her too much for it. Even if it wasn’t the whole truth, she deserved part of it, at least.

Keith wrote,  _ I don’t talk.  _ Then he looked up at her.

She’d read the words upside down. “I know that, Keith. You communicate through other means, like writing, sign, and thumbs-ups and claps. Even your facial expressions and body language contribute to how you communicate. You don’t have to speak at all to get you points across.” 

Keith bit his lip, now feeling even more stupid.  _ I thought you wanted me to,  _ he wrote. 

Naoko smiled at him gently, shaking her head. “Oh, no Keith. No. If that was something you wanted, we would help you. But you’ve expressed no interest in that and have taken on learning ASL, which is an entire language in and of itself. I wouldn’t have even forced you to do that, either, but you looked like you wanted to learn.” She peered at him for a moment. “You do still like ASL classes, right? We could stop if you wanted.” 

Keith shook his head quickly. ASL had quickly become very useful, especially to talk to Shiro across a room. They also learned more quickly due to Keith’s nonverbal status, compounded by the formal sessions combined with the more informal ones in which they were taught words that they already used a lot. Keith and Shiro had a larger than average vocabulary for space and hovercrafts already, he was sure. 

Keith, to punctuate this point, put down his pen and signed clearly,  _ “I like ASL lessons. Nobody got me lessons before. I wish they had. Thank you.” _

Naoko said and signed back, “You’re welcome, Keith.” She was smiling, so Keith felt like things were going okay. 

Then, he watched as several expressions flitted across Naoko’s face, ending in what he thought was realization, and his optimism died quickly. When her eyebrows drew in, he though he saw pity leak through as well, and it made him grit his teeth. 

“Keith, I’m going to ask you a question, and I would really appreciate your honesty. If you need to think about it for a few minutes before you answer, then you can, okay?” 

_ Oh shit, here we go,  _ he thought, wishing he’d just burst into flames and slumping down into his chair. 

“Did this happen because of what I said about you going to therapy?” 

Keith tightened his lips and turned his face away from her, letting his long hair cascade in front as a shield. His jaw clenched on instinct and he thought,  _ I do not want to talk about this. I do not want to talk to Naoko about this, please please Adam, just wake up. Anyone, please interrupt this. God. Anything, please.  _

However, apparently Naoko did not need him to say anything, because she started speaking again. Keith wasn’t listening at first, trying to keep his breathing even and steady, but eventually made out, “... that made you uncomfortable. I meant what I said then, Keith, you do  _ not  _ have to talk to anybody until you explicitly tell me that you want to. We are tabling this for now. After this conversation, I’ll only talk to you about this again if there are more issues we cannot ignore or if you bring it up.” 

_ Wait, what?  _ Keith thought.  _ That doesn’t seem right.  _

Quickly, he thought back to their first conversation. He tried to remember Naoko saying that therapy was optional, and he couldn’t. 

_ Maybe it was implied?  _ He thought, but that didn’t seem right either. Naoko didn’t often leave things to shades of gray, which was one of the things that Keith liked the most about her. 

His head almost spun with the implications of it, his eyes jumping unconsciously over the surface of the countertop as if looking for the missing book in the library of his memories. For some reason, this scared Keith. He wasn’t exactly sure why, but something about it made him feel crazy. 

_ Why can’t I remember?  _

Quickly, Keith assessed himself, realizing that this was not the time for these thoughts. Naoko was still right there. He did not want to give her a reason to renege the deal she’d just tried to offer him. Forgetting important parts of conversations seemed like something that would land him therapy right away, and that was already something he was not willing to do. 

So, Keith took everything and slammed it behind his airtight metal door, making sure it was figuratively locked. He thought about the movie he and Shiro had seen, how much fun they’d had and Shiro’s movie habits being almost exactly like he’d thought they would be. 

“Okay,” Naoko said, and Keith looked at her like he hadn’t just had to calm himself down. “So, tell me about the hoverbike. Why did you take it? And, before you ask, your reasons won’t get you in more trouble. I just would like to know what happened so we can fix this issue at its root.” 

Keith stared at her unblinkingly. 

_ Why does she keep doing this?  _ He thought hysterically.  _ This whiplash will kill me if she’s not careful.  _

Keith uncapped his pen and wrote,  _ Didn’t want to walk. Bike = fast, Shiro taught me basics. Transportation always  _ _ > walking.  _

He turned the board around for her, and she hummed while reading over the words. 

“I can imagine that the bike was much more convenient, yes. That makes sense. So why did you stop at the Dairy Queen?” 

Keith didn’t bother taking back the board, and signed,  _ “Bike died. No charge time yesterday.” _ The grammar was a little crude, but Keith made his point, and that was what really mattered. 

And, it made Naoko laugh. The sound startled Keith, who was not expecting that reaction at all. The part of him that had been set on edge sharpened just a little bit. 

“Oh Shiro,” she said, smiling, and then gestured for Keith to go on with his story. There wasn’t much left to tell, so Keith signed it out. 

_ “Adam arrived. We talked. He took me home. The end.”  _ It wasn’t eloquent, but Keith would prefer to be done with this conversation now. But then he remembered one last detail, and grabbed the whiteboard, not bothering to turn it around, and wrote above his upside-down words,  _ Also the bike’s in Adam’s car. Didn’t wanna leave it dead at DQ.  _

Naoko read it upside down, too, and looked at him, kindness still shining on her face. “That’s considerate of you, Keith. Thank you for bringing that back.” Her smile downturned to something more serious as she continued, “Although, I would have preferred you not to take it in the first place, considering the fact that you could have easily injured yourself.” 

Then, she just watched him for a moment across the counter. Her gaze wasn’t searching, wasn't leering, wasn’t angry, but it was thoughtful and that made Keith itch underneath his skin. It looked like she was trying to figure him out, and that was never good. 

“You’re going to apologize to Shiro,” she announced out of nowhere. “A letter.” Keith was immensely confused. “And I would appreciate an apology as well for making me worry and running away instead of talking to me. You will be on extra chores rotations for the next two weeks. During that time, you can only go to ASL lessons, karakte, and your Garrison hovercart training; no fun outings. And if you feel like this again, I’d like for you to try and tell someone. If it’s not me, then Shiro. If not Shiro, then Adam, or anyone you’d like to. And Keith? You can only run away from problems for so long until they catch up. It is better to face them and defeat them so they don’t haunt your life. Do you understand?”

Keith looked at Naoko for a moment, something akin to desperation on her face, a willingness for him to understand. But Keith already knew that. He was more than familiar with the concept, based on the fact that he was still running away from problems that had been with him almost his whole life. 

He refused to acknowledge that, though, and instead nodded for Naoko.

_ Got it.  _ He scribbled on the whiteboard, not quite willing to sign when he wasn’t sure if his hands were going to shake or not. 

“Good,” she said. “I am disappointed that this happened, Keith. I hope we don’t have to do this again. I don’t enjoy taking away your privileges when you’ve been doing well otherwise here. So, one more time, I promise that if you come to me about things like this, I will listen and I will try to help.” 

Keith was still a little baffled that she wasn’t mad, but he was also just glad that she hadn’t called Ms. Keene, even though he felt like that’s what she should have done. But he still didn’t want to leave, and that longing took over the guilt and self-deprecation in a way that it often did not, letting him say nothing and not look a gift horse in the mouth. He could take Naoko’s disappointment and her chores as long as he stayed. And he would.

So that was that. The toast was long-cool, and Naoko stuck both pieces back into the toaster to reheat them with a rueful smile while Keith sat there and just watched the scene out the window do nothing. 

When Adam came into the kitchen twenty minutes later, hair tousled and sans glasses, all Naoko had to do was look at him with two raised brows before he said, “Tea and toast?” And she put him in a slice too. 

Keith felt like there should have been more tension in the room, but he felt safe. He’d just gotten in trouble, but he was allowed to stay. 

He was surprised to find that he hadn’t even once considered Naoko hurting him as punishment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's actually around my birthday lmao so here's a little gift to myself and to y'all.
> 
> Please let me know your thoughts!!!! I love comments and I live for them <3 
> 
> Next chapter I'm gonna talk about how Shiro feels about all of this, which was MEANT to go in this chapter, but then Naoko and Keith decided to talk for 5,000,000 years and so it didn't happen bc I wanted to get this out tonight!!!! Thank you everyone and have a lovely weekend/day/night!!!! <3


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